I must be back at college because it's 2:33 am and I am still awake. :-)
Except that tonight was a different night than all of those other lonely late nights waiting for God knows what.
I spent the majority of the evening looking at graduate schools and talking with one of the people who understands me the best. Talk about rejuvenating.
I've spent a good portion of the last year telling myself that I don't know what it is that I want to do after I graduate. Grad school maybe, freelancing in a big city somewhere, doing all the other odd jobs or whatever. I've never actually had a concrete idea about where I wanted to go or what kind of program I wanted to pursue, though. I've had ideas about the kind of person I want to be and the kind of music that I want to play, but it's never been crystal clear before. And now, I think I've finally found a program that really fits me. It's not exactly prestigious or "high-minded," but I've been waiting so long for the thing that would keep me up until all hours of the night with this excited feeling inside that just won't go away. I can't tell you how long I've been waiting for some kind of inspiration to keep me moving forward in the direction that I know is right. I know, hands down, that I am a musician for life. No question about that. I've been fooling myself into thinking that because I have other interests it makes it okay if I don't make it in music. I can be a marketer or a artist manager or a professional sewer. But I just can't live like that anymore! I can't keep thinking along the line of failure. It is getting me nothing but low self-esteem and a cloudy mind full of doubt and honestly, I'm tired of worrying and wondering. At some point it has to end.
It feels so good to find something that truly fits with who I know I am. So rejuvenating.
