I tend to write when I'm frustrated, don't I?
There's something about writing that helps me focus my thoughts. I know it's almost 1:30 in the morning, but I need focus before I can sleep. Let's give it a shot.
I recently developed a list of abstract nouns that I like. I call them The K-Attitudes. Like Beatitudes, but different. They are as follows:
1. Love
2. Patience
3. Passion
4. Drive
5. Courage
6. Kindness
7. Gratitude
Most of them I am doing okay with so far. Number 2 is really frustrating me, though. Go figure.
I can relate it back to something I'm working on with violin. I've got this problem with my right arm - I hold tension in my elbow and so my sound gets tight. But when I'm able to mentally release the tension from my elbow, my sound instantly opens up. It's easier and freer and requires the use of arm weight and gravity rather than pressure from the tendons in my back and shoulder.
So why don't I do this all the time? Why am I not always aware of the fact that I hold tension? And to relate it back to life, why am I not always aware that I cause myself tension, that I am the source of the tension and the solution for it as well? Where is my Number 2 Patience?
I don't think I've figured this one out yet. When I do, I'll have another Life Lesson for you.
There are just lots of little things going on right now in life that create tension. Problems I've yet to deal with, people I have yet to figure out, making it from one class/rehearsal to the next without being pissed off... It's stupid because I know how to deal with these things. It's just like my elbow - let go. Be aware of the fact that I'm causing the tension for myself and then let it go. It's simple, right?
There are just as many happy things going on, too. Things that help release tension. Like playing on a faculty recital with all faculty members. What motivation, and just what fun! So much fun. And cute guitar players who enjoy late night ice cream runs and hiking snowy bluffs on Sunday mornings. There's also my new violin, which is really starting to come into it's own. I'm really enjoying getting to know the sound - I've had a couple humorous moments with it in lessons where my teacher will say the sound is "scary" on the G-string - I'm still figuring out what makes it tick. It's a great instrument. I feel lucky to have it. And of course, I have my fantastic friends. They listen to speeches for my public address class and test me to see if I can keep a straight face and not laugh while talking about southern fried chicken. They also can't make it through a meal in the caf without doing something ridiculous and having a good laugh about it. I'm lucky to have them, too.
I let the little things fester until I am, as Dan calls it, and "emotional storm of fury." If I let that happen to my elbow, I would have tendonitis. Perhaps I need a little more No. 6 and No. 7 in my life. I'll let you know when I've got it more figured out.
Till then, here's to good folk music, Ben & Jerry's, and the view of Decorah from the top of Dunning Springs.
