I really shouldn't be writing right now. No, really. It is 1:18am on the night before my second show at ArtHaus. I have laundry to do so I won't have to go commando tomorrow. I have homework to finish. I need so much sleep it's not even funny. I really shouldn't be writing right now.
Someone please, tell me why it is that I'm always blogging around 1am? It's these times where it's more work to go to bed than to stay in this chair on my computer. Nights like these when I end up reading my old blog posts from years ago, reading words that I once thought, thinking about who I used to be.
(Ugh. Here we go.)
Things are so different! I'm about to graduate from college with a minor in communication studies. I'm working at an awesome record label this summer. Co-managing a sweet folk duo and a kick ass string ensemble. Pottery pieces that I've made are all around my room. Subway and I are best friends. I now own Clinique makeup, a pair of boots, fabulous bags, and an iPhone. I'm dating the greatest guy on the face of the planet. ... How did all of this happen?!
Let's be real, though. Some things haven't changed at all -
1. My room is still an absolute dump, no matter how hard I try to keep it clean.
2. I still blog and think a lot way too late at night.
3. I don't do my homework.
4. Still playing violin.
5. The jean quilt that my sister made me in high school is still on my bed.
It's not that I expected to stay the same these four years, but I feel I have a unique point of view of the changes I've made because I can read words that I wrote about my life throughout college. With every word I've written, I can literally feel who I used to be and who I am right now at the same time. It's kind of weird but kind of awesome, you know? It's a nice feeling to know that I made it past freshman and sophomore year and became a better person on the other side. Nice to know that I like myself much better now than I did just a few years ago.
But enough about the past! The next few months are so exciting. And after that.... a dark abyss of nothingness. (Add to the list of things that haven't changed: Still a drama queen about my future.) Seriously, though - tomorrow's show that I mentioned earlier? It's going to be the best show I've done all year. A folk duo that is both unlike anything I've ever done and something that just feels like second nature. We write tunes basically every day and we draw inspiration from everything around us. We played our first show last fall, and I swear in those moments of performance I was someone else. I was exactly who I've been wanting to be all this time. Fearless, creative, happy. Doing something that meant something to other people. Stepping outside of myself to create a common experience among a community. We've made tomorrow's show even better with some other talented musicians who are dear to us and some fun little quirks that I hope will pay off.
I'll tell you, though - planning a show is not easy. Last time around we basically had managers who took care of all the details for us. We just showed up and played. This time around, we've been single handedly doing all of the coordinating, marketing and promoting, and detail stuff in addition to rehearsing together, staying in school, and sleeping. The last week has been crazy, but I feel like tomorrow it will be so rewarding to see everything come together.
So. It's inching up on 2am. I'm desperately tired. My bed is just a few feet away....
... While I consider getting out of this chair, here's to baseball caps, old school label makers, and making music.
P.S. If you're curious about my folk duo, consider clicking on this link: www.facebook.com/theokfactor
