strangers

Totally should not be writing right now. Totally should be in bed because I have rehearsal at 8am tomorrow morning.

Funny thing is, though, I don't want to sleep. What I really want to do is climb the hill to where the new wind turbine is sitting across the valley. I'm super scared of them, and my theme for this year is "Let's be brave today," so I think it's fitting to someday encounter that giant spinning creepy windmill. Gotta start checking things off my list. It's even better now that I have all this free time and free brain space to use - I can literally do whatever I want. So I think I'm going to team up with one of my senior friends and, as he so delicately put it, be "balls to the walls from here on out." Balls to the walls, ladies and gentlemen.

Yet, as much as I want to climb the hill to that turbine or skinny dip in the Iowa river or finger paint whilst being slightly intoxicated (when I turn 21 in a month), I can't seem to move from this chair that I'm writing from. This has been a sad pattern for awhile now. I have a funny feeling that it's not going to change. Remember this time last year when I was waiting for laundry? This time I'm waiting for something different.

It's at least 50 degrees in my room and I'm shaking. I'm rambling. And I'm heartbroken.

There's a certain band that I've been avoiding listening to for about a year now. Mostly because I tend to associate music with the events that happened during the time I was into that band or whatever. But I'm surfacing this band again because they are good to listen to when I feel lost.

http://youtu.be/vwVHX1kiLUU


I'll be holding my breath that you would stay.