I think this is the fourth or fifth time that I have sat at my desk this J-break, staring at my computer, feeling the butterflies in my stomach move around and make me feel nervous about absolutely nothing.
I've been working on organizing my life for the next few months, and there is so much. I'm teaching four students, taking lessons on two different instruments, in three large ensembles and three small chamber groups, still playing with Strangz and all the gigs that come with it; I'm taking Chemistry, which is probably where the bulk of my nervousness comes from, and an advanced conducting class, which is also a little scary. I'm also playing in a bunch of recitals this semester which I have yet to learn the music for. On top of all that, I have to find time to practice, workout, and keep my friends. I think one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world is complain about my schedule. I'm so good at it.
I spent the past weekend in Cedar Falls with two of my best girlfriends. It was so great to get off campus and unashamedly belt to my latest and greatest mix CD while driving down 52. It was the most unburdened feeling I've had in a long time. The question is, though, how do you get that feeling to transfer over to a semester of craziness?
A Life Lesson With Karla, brought to you by Carmex:
Life Lesson #6: Keep everything in perspective. If you lose it, find any way possible to get it back.
Honestly, I only have one solution right now to getting my perspective back. It involves highway 52 and a good CD. There's something about literally driving away from wherever I am that helps me remember that the world is so much bigger than Luther, and my problems and inconsistencies are so tiny in comparison. The only problem is that I have to come back to Luther eventually, and by extension I have to come back to everything that I was trying to get away from in the first place.
Like I said at the beginning, I've been staring at nothing when I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I was fine over the weekend, but as soon as I got back it was like I was sucked back into my frustrated-ness and overwhelmed self. I think I'll have to go for another drive before school starts on Wednesday.
I am a nervous person by nature. I also feel things really strongly, so it makes me more dramatic than I intend to be, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that which includes not knowing why I've spent an hour staring at my computer and blogging instead of cleaning my room. Here are my reasons for being nervous/frustrated/overwhelmed today:
1. Scheduling. We talked about this one.
2. I hate feeling like I'm the only one pulling my weight in a friendship. I'm always being told, "Put yourself in my shoes, Karla." Well, ever thought about what it would be like to wear my size 7's?
3. No matter how much I wish things were different, they won't change. Or at least they won't change in the way I want them to.
4. Responsibility. Real world responsibility.
5. Summer camp auditions and being ready. Oh, the qualms of being ready.
You know what will happen? School will start and I'll get into the groove of things and everything will be fine. It's just that on-the-edge feeling, the not knowing and assuming how things will go. Projecting my own unfortunate scenarios on the Universe. Haven't we learned that everything takes care of itself? The Universe doesn't need my help on this one. Next Life Lesson right there.
Here's to driving, potato chips, and peach schnapps. Bring it on, Spring Semester.
January 30, 2012
January 19, 2012
winter lager
Friends, readers - Hello!
It is almost the end of J-term, which just feels absolutely bizarre to say. It's been kind of a weird month, but a really good weird month, and I've come to share what I've learned so far. In list form, of course.
1. Buddhist monasteries are the most peaceful places on the planet.
2. Productiveness comes and goes in waves. I've had amazingly productive days this month and I've had ridiculously pathetic days. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay.
3. I've figured out one part of my current religious identity. We've been talking about identity a lot this month and while everything from my past adds up to who I am right now, at least in terms of religion I've figured out that I'm a pluralist. Not sure what kind of pluralist, whether Christian or Humanist or Unitarian or Buddhist, but the cool thing is that I get to choose. I have a choice! I don't have to follow the traditions of my parents or my friends. And you know what the best part is? It's fine! It is perfectly normal and okay to feel like I could learn so much from the world's traditions. I don't have to have a traditional label. SO. GREAT.
4. I really like meditating. I need so much more practice, but I really like it.
5. When I make lists, I really do get more done.
6. I came to terms with some things this month, and even if they aren't easy things to deal with it's good to know where I stand.
7. As much as I wish I knew how to cook, I know that I am good at making a happy home at dinner time. I mentioned in the last post about making dinner that one night? Well, I made a dinner table out of Dan's coffee table, complete with place mats made out of my new dish towels, bowls, forks, stemless wine glasses, napkins, and places for the food on the table. Oh yeah, and cool jazz in the background. So happy. :-)
8. New favorite beer: Sam Adams Winter Lager.
9. Trying new things is good. I've had two Saturdays as a radio DJ at KWLC and it's been awesome. A crash course in doing things I'm not comfortable with.
10. I enjoy teaching. Who knew? I started teaching four students and it's been so much fun! The small amount of income is nice, too, but it's great to feel like I'm helping these students become better players and at the same time reminding myself of the basics.
So, I've almost accomplished everything on my list from a couple weeks ago. I got my pinhole camera in the mail and constructed it last weekend. I've taken some pictures, but I'm not sure if it's working so hopefully I will get them developed over J-break. I haven't done as much conducting as I wanted to, but my schedule this month as been weird and unfortunately not conducive to free time spent on conducting. I met with my Baroque violin teacher this week, though, and got some ideas for rep, so we will start lessons next month.
I think I've been productive! I've done new things, practiced a bunch, cleaned my room several times, and worked out pretty consistently since January 1st. I'd say that's pretty successful.
Here's to the last few days of class and quiet around campus!
It is almost the end of J-term, which just feels absolutely bizarre to say. It's been kind of a weird month, but a really good weird month, and I've come to share what I've learned so far. In list form, of course.
1. Buddhist monasteries are the most peaceful places on the planet.
2. Productiveness comes and goes in waves. I've had amazingly productive days this month and I've had ridiculously pathetic days. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay.
3. I've figured out one part of my current religious identity. We've been talking about identity a lot this month and while everything from my past adds up to who I am right now, at least in terms of religion I've figured out that I'm a pluralist. Not sure what kind of pluralist, whether Christian or Humanist or Unitarian or Buddhist, but the cool thing is that I get to choose. I have a choice! I don't have to follow the traditions of my parents or my friends. And you know what the best part is? It's fine! It is perfectly normal and okay to feel like I could learn so much from the world's traditions. I don't have to have a traditional label. SO. GREAT.
4. I really like meditating. I need so much more practice, but I really like it.
5. When I make lists, I really do get more done.
6. I came to terms with some things this month, and even if they aren't easy things to deal with it's good to know where I stand.
7. As much as I wish I knew how to cook, I know that I am good at making a happy home at dinner time. I mentioned in the last post about making dinner that one night? Well, I made a dinner table out of Dan's coffee table, complete with place mats made out of my new dish towels, bowls, forks, stemless wine glasses, napkins, and places for the food on the table. Oh yeah, and cool jazz in the background. So happy. :-)
8. New favorite beer: Sam Adams Winter Lager.
9. Trying new things is good. I've had two Saturdays as a radio DJ at KWLC and it's been awesome. A crash course in doing things I'm not comfortable with.
10. I enjoy teaching. Who knew? I started teaching four students and it's been so much fun! The small amount of income is nice, too, but it's great to feel like I'm helping these students become better players and at the same time reminding myself of the basics.
So, I've almost accomplished everything on my list from a couple weeks ago. I got my pinhole camera in the mail and constructed it last weekend. I've taken some pictures, but I'm not sure if it's working so hopefully I will get them developed over J-break. I haven't done as much conducting as I wanted to, but my schedule this month as been weird and unfortunately not conducive to free time spent on conducting. I met with my Baroque violin teacher this week, though, and got some ideas for rep, so we will start lessons next month.
I think I've been productive! I've done new things, practiced a bunch, cleaned my room several times, and worked out pretty consistently since January 1st. I'd say that's pretty successful.
Here's to the last few days of class and quiet around campus!
January 8, 2012
red-checkered fun
Happy New Year! Can't believe it's already been a year, eh?
News, news, news...
Christmas ended up being really good. I spent a lot of time with my cousins who have grown up so much, and we played a good solid 3 games of lazer tag and some Nancy Drew while I was in Madison. The family spent New Years in the UP, which was different for us. So much good food, a lot of doing nothing, and a fun evening with my cousin to ring in the new year . Eventually I ended up back at school with a giant box of knickknacks from Christmas to stuff into my room and enough motivation for this month to make me feel like the Energizer Bunny.
So, it is January, the month devoted to giving myself a swift kick in the ass every morning so that I get up and do what needs to get done. In this case, that would be working out, practicing, homework, and all of the little projects that I seem to think I will have time to complete. Here's my Project Box, as I like to call it:
1. Reorganize Room/Email inbox/Xmas Presents (mostly done)
2. Work on conducting
3. Start Baroque violin repertoire
4. Cook dinner (did that tonight - spaghetti with meatballs, Caesar salad, garlic bread, white wine)
5. Finish summer camp applications
6. Pinhole camera
7. $5 from lessons to the Fun Fund
Riveting, I know. But I am excited about the pinhole camera! A new foray into some different kind of photography. I'll try to post some pictures when I get the box up and running. And the Fun Fund is dedicated to saving for the next trip to Vienna, or wherever Dan convinces me that we need to go. I have only a year or so left on my flight benefits, so traveling is a must. Must must must. Ireland? Germany? England? Australia? New York?
Today I bought the newest Coldplay album. I'm addicted to their single, "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall." Favorite moment:
As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tear's a waterfall
I'm not usually one to post song lyrics. Sometimes that gets to be a little lame, but this one is just so good. If I had my own radio station, I would play this one on repeat for at least an hour. A perpetual dance party to Coldplay is always a good idea.
...
You can tell that it's J-term when I don't have a lot to post about except dinner plans and my new favorite song. But I will say this about January - it is the calm before the storm. Second semester comes and goes like a breeze, so I am determined to enjoy the quiet, the space, the solitude.
Here's to butter, fresh basil, a glass of white wine, and my grandmother's red-checkered apron. :-)
News, news, news...
Christmas ended up being really good. I spent a lot of time with my cousins who have grown up so much, and we played a good solid 3 games of lazer tag and some Nancy Drew while I was in Madison. The family spent New Years in the UP, which was different for us. So much good food, a lot of doing nothing, and a fun evening with my cousin to ring in the new year . Eventually I ended up back at school with a giant box of knickknacks from Christmas to stuff into my room and enough motivation for this month to make me feel like the Energizer Bunny.
So, it is January, the month devoted to giving myself a swift kick in the ass every morning so that I get up and do what needs to get done. In this case, that would be working out, practicing, homework, and all of the little projects that I seem to think I will have time to complete. Here's my Project Box, as I like to call it:
1. Reorganize Room/Email inbox/Xmas Presents (mostly done)
2. Work on conducting
3. Start Baroque violin repertoire
4. Cook dinner (did that tonight - spaghetti with meatballs, Caesar salad, garlic bread, white wine)
5. Finish summer camp applications
6. Pinhole camera
7. $5 from lessons to the Fun Fund
Riveting, I know. But I am excited about the pinhole camera! A new foray into some different kind of photography. I'll try to post some pictures when I get the box up and running. And the Fun Fund is dedicated to saving for the next trip to Vienna, or wherever Dan convinces me that we need to go. I have only a year or so left on my flight benefits, so traveling is a must. Must must must. Ireland? Germany? England? Australia? New York?
Today I bought the newest Coldplay album. I'm addicted to their single, "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall." Favorite moment:
As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tear's a waterfall
I'm not usually one to post song lyrics. Sometimes that gets to be a little lame, but this one is just so good. If I had my own radio station, I would play this one on repeat for at least an hour. A perpetual dance party to Coldplay is always a good idea.
...
You can tell that it's J-term when I don't have a lot to post about except dinner plans and my new favorite song. But I will say this about January - it is the calm before the storm. Second semester comes and goes like a breeze, so I am determined to enjoy the quiet, the space, the solitude.
Here's to butter, fresh basil, a glass of white wine, and my grandmother's red-checkered apron. :-)
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