just peachy

I think this is the fourth or fifth time that I have sat at my desk this J-break, staring at my computer, feeling the butterflies in my stomach move around and make me feel nervous about absolutely nothing.

I've been working on organizing my life for the next few months, and there is so much. I'm teaching four students, taking lessons on two different instruments, in three large ensembles and three small chamber groups, still playing with Strangz and all the gigs that come with it; I'm taking Chemistry, which is probably where the bulk of my nervousness comes from, and an advanced conducting class, which is also a little scary. I'm also playing in a bunch of recitals this semester which I have yet to learn the music for. On top of all that, I have to find time to practice, workout, and keep my friends. I think one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world is complain about my schedule. I'm so good at it.

I spent the past weekend in Cedar Falls with two of my best girlfriends. It was so great to get off campus and unashamedly belt to my latest and greatest mix CD while driving down 52. It was the most unburdened feeling I've had in a long time. The question is, though, how do you get that feeling to transfer over to a semester of craziness?

A Life Lesson With Karla, brought to you by Carmex:

Life Lesson #6: Keep everything in perspective. If you lose it, find any way possible to get it back.

Honestly, I only have one solution right now to getting my perspective back. It involves highway 52 and a good CD. There's something about literally driving away from wherever I am that helps me remember that the world is so much bigger than Luther, and my problems and inconsistencies are so tiny in comparison. The only problem is that I have to come back to Luther eventually, and by extension I have to come back to everything that I was trying to get away from in the first place.
Like I said at the beginning, I've been staring at nothing when I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I was fine over the weekend, but as soon as I got back it was like I was sucked back into my frustrated-ness and overwhelmed self. I think I'll have to go for another drive before school starts on Wednesday.

I am a nervous person by nature. I also feel things really strongly, so it makes me more dramatic than I intend to be, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that which includes not knowing why I've spent an hour staring at my computer and blogging instead of cleaning my room. Here are my reasons for being nervous/frustrated/overwhelmed today:

1. Scheduling. We talked about this one.
2. I hate feeling like I'm the only one pulling my weight in a friendship. I'm always being told, "Put yourself in my shoes, Karla." Well, ever thought about what it would be like to wear my size 7's? 
3. No matter how much I wish things were different, they won't change. Or at least they won't change in the way I want them to.
4. Responsibility. Real world responsibility.
5. Summer camp auditions and being ready. Oh, the qualms of being ready.


You know what will happen? School will start and I'll get into the groove of things and everything will be fine. It's just that on-the-edge feeling, the not knowing and assuming how things will go. Projecting my own unfortunate scenarios on the Universe. Haven't we learned that everything takes care of itself? The Universe doesn't need my help on this one. Next Life Lesson right there.


Here's to driving, potato chips, and peach schnapps. Bring it on, Spring Semester.