I don't think I've ever posted on my birthday before, so I thought I would change that. It's October 15th, 2011, and it's my birthday.
I think that today I can come up with a list of more than 6 things that are happy in my life, you ready?
1. Mendelssohn Octet - It is a beautiful piece of work and even better that I get to play it with some of my closest friends.
2. The Moon - I've gone moon/cloud watching at night at least twice this month. Puts things in perspective.
3. Sisters - they always know what to say and next time I see her, we will be able to drink wine together and laugh about everything.
4. Inspiration - lately I've found inspiration in the Dvorak cello concert, just listening to Phuc play it seems to make everything alright. I love how music does that.
5. Woodchucks - happy little bottles of hard cider. What could be happier?!
6. Impromptu jam sessions with Aaron Rosell - my favorite thing ever.
7. Setting goals - it's easier to find my way out of a pile of crap with a little guidelines.
8. Cute scarves - pretty and feminine and fun. Just the right amount of awesome.
9. Strangz - we've played 4 gigs already this semester, and I swear I love every minute. Feels really good to see a brainchild come to life.
10. Relient K - soundtrack to the fall (and my life, really).
11. L.A. - I'm going there in two weeks. Clubbing with my best friend in the world? Yes please.
12. Mail - I've been getting lots of mail lately. Next to kitchen utensils, mail comes in a close second for my weakness.
13. Tony Guzman - we are basically the same person, and I feel so lucky to have a second dad on campus.
14. Books - losing myself in a book never felt so good these days.
Look at that, I doubled my original list! Proud.
So today is full of friends, beer, burgers, pumpkins, cider, and so much laughter that I'm going to have a 6-pack in the morning. Here's to the 21st birthdays that go down in history. Add mine to the list, ladies and gents!
October 15, 2011
October 7, 2011
fifteen thousand first steps
Alright, mid-afternoon post. Orchestra in 45 minutes. Haven't eaten anything since 10am. What's the deal?
Well, I just had a long conversation that seems to have been inevitable after the last week or so. Good talk. But, for some reason I am the most inept person when it comes to the ends of conversations because I want my last words to be remarkable and weighty. Today, I was not so remarkable with my last words. So just in case the recipient of those last words reads these posts, here's what I should've said instead:
I know that I am a complicated person and I make things really difficult sometimes. I am well aware of this fact. I appreciate your honesty and hope that someday soon I will not be as much of a heartbroken idiot as I am right now. Maybe then I will be able to say things to you without having to publicly post a recanting of them. I wish you well and hope that things start making sense for you.
There. Sort of better.
I probably shouldn't be posting right now - the lack of food in my belly is making me feel super funny. But now I am going to go play some Beethoven and take my 15,000th first step in moving on.
Well, I just had a long conversation that seems to have been inevitable after the last week or so. Good talk. But, for some reason I am the most inept person when it comes to the ends of conversations because I want my last words to be remarkable and weighty. Today, I was not so remarkable with my last words. So just in case the recipient of those last words reads these posts, here's what I should've said instead:
I know that I am a complicated person and I make things really difficult sometimes. I am well aware of this fact. I appreciate your honesty and hope that someday soon I will not be as much of a heartbroken idiot as I am right now. Maybe then I will be able to say things to you without having to publicly post a recanting of them. I wish you well and hope that things start making sense for you.
There. Sort of better.
I probably shouldn't be posting right now - the lack of food in my belly is making me feel super funny. But now I am going to go play some Beethoven and take my 15,000th first step in moving on.
October 4, 2011
boxes
It's funny. Things feel almost exactly the same as they did one year ago. To the day.
Sitting at my computer, thinking I should be doing something else, being total strangers with someone I used to know so well... It's all a little too familiar. I'm not interested in reliving last fall.
But some good things have happened in the past few days so I thought I would share.
1. I have found my savior from this mess. It's called The Practice Room. Not even kidding. I have felt so out of control lately, but when I step in a practice room and do nothing but play violin like a boss, everything changes. I go from being a total wreck to calm and in control. It's kind of like the home base when you're playing a game of hide and seek - as long as you are there, you are safe. So, for the first time EVER, I am actually exceeding the practice requirements for a violin performance major. That's right, 3+ hours everyday.
2. I feel more like myself. Not sure if that's a good thing because I'm not at 100% yet, but when I'm with friends and just doing my everyday stuff, I feel like me. I don't feel like I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. Not trying to fit in a box. It's nice to realize that.
3. Michael Buble has a new Christmas album coming out at the end of the month. Talk about exciting stuff.
4. I made a cake last night. It didn't exactly turn out the way I had hoped, but I still got to put sprinkles on it, so that makes up for it. And because I made a cake last night, I had to go to Walmart and buy my first frosting knife. Kitchen gadgets are my weakness.
5. I lost my debit card the other day, so I canceled it because I couldn't find it. And of course, two days later, I found it. But it's a good thing, because for awhile there I was participating in retail therapy, hardcore. Haha, so now I can't buy anything. Like I said, a good thing.
6. I'm turning 21 in a week and a half. Pumped.
That's all I got. Hopefully someday soon I will be able to think of more than six good things that have happened in the past few days.
Till then, here's to cake, sad songs, and good hair days.
Sitting at my computer, thinking I should be doing something else, being total strangers with someone I used to know so well... It's all a little too familiar. I'm not interested in reliving last fall.
But some good things have happened in the past few days so I thought I would share.
1. I have found my savior from this mess. It's called The Practice Room. Not even kidding. I have felt so out of control lately, but when I step in a practice room and do nothing but play violin like a boss, everything changes. I go from being a total wreck to calm and in control. It's kind of like the home base when you're playing a game of hide and seek - as long as you are there, you are safe. So, for the first time EVER, I am actually exceeding the practice requirements for a violin performance major. That's right, 3+ hours everyday.
2. I feel more like myself. Not sure if that's a good thing because I'm not at 100% yet, but when I'm with friends and just doing my everyday stuff, I feel like me. I don't feel like I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. Not trying to fit in a box. It's nice to realize that.
3. Michael Buble has a new Christmas album coming out at the end of the month. Talk about exciting stuff.
4. I made a cake last night. It didn't exactly turn out the way I had hoped, but I still got to put sprinkles on it, so that makes up for it. And because I made a cake last night, I had to go to Walmart and buy my first frosting knife. Kitchen gadgets are my weakness.
5. I lost my debit card the other day, so I canceled it because I couldn't find it. And of course, two days later, I found it. But it's a good thing, because for awhile there I was participating in retail therapy, hardcore. Haha, so now I can't buy anything. Like I said, a good thing.
6. I'm turning 21 in a week and a half. Pumped.
That's all I got. Hopefully someday soon I will be able to think of more than six good things that have happened in the past few days.
Till then, here's to cake, sad songs, and good hair days.
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