felix

Today I found out that I will get to take home a new violin next week. On Black Friday, I will drive up to Atlanta and see the instruments that Stephanie has been making for about 7 months now. We've been taking pictures throughout the building experience, and I have to say that this is one of the most incredible processes that I've witnessed in my life so far.

The excitement is overwhelming. Quite literally, actually. I was telling some friends about the instruments today and had to force myself to stay in one spot - it was all I could do to keep from screaming and basically exploding all over the Jenson hallway. Yesterday, I saw the pictures of the coats of varnish on the instrument and I almost cried. I am so beyond ecstatic for these new instruments... I have no words. No words.

On the other side of things, though, I am down to my last 7 days with my current instrument. It's so funny because I've known that I will be getting a new instrument soon for a few months now, and every day that I play the violin I have now there are so many moments where I can't wait for a bigger, brighter sound. But still, I can't imagine giving up Felix just quite yet. It is hard for me to imagine giving up the instrument that I've basically grown up with.

I feel like I sound silly right now, talking about a violin this way. But I can't help it. The strongest relationships that I have in my life are those where music is involved, and my violin is no exception. I think I've spent more time with that instrument than I have with any one person over the past decade. I have poured sweat and tears and probably some blood into that violin, and we have shared too many memories to count. Maybe I will share some of them.



I was either ten or eleven when I went to try full size violins for the first time at Stephanie's shop in Atlanta. I was short and chubby, wore Harry Potter glasses, and had super short hair. It was my awkward stage. But I remember out of all the violins I tried, that was the one that actually spoke to me. I just knew, you know? 




I've traveled so much with that instrument - Vienna, Salzburg, Munich, Green Bay, Cleveland, Ithaca, New York City, Nashville, Madison, Minneapolis, Decorah, Atlanta, Birmingham, Denver, Snowmass, Savannah, Orlando, Washington D.C., Chicago, Kansas City, Lexington, Boston, Ann Arbor, St. Peter, St. Louis, Lincoln, somewhere in South Carolina... I'm sure there are more. But a lot of those times it was just me, my violin, and my backpack. I would always think as we got on the plane, "It's just you and me, Felix." He's a great traveler. 




I couldn't always express myself through words to friends or family, but Felix knew how to. I remember several Christmas Eves where the only lights on in the house would be the Christmas tree lights, and I stood in the music room playing the Bach Partita in D minor. Or when I was pissed off about something, I would drag myself through endless amounts of scales to calm down... We were good at solitude and quiet. 



We played the Mendelssohn violin concerto with the LSM Festival Orchestra in 2007. It was incredible. We played jazz with Tracy Silverman in Nashville, we've done fiddling with Mark O'Connor; we've played everything from Mozart to LMFAO to Maroon 5. Brahms, Beethoven, Lalo, Bach, Telemann, Schumann, Ravel, Shostakovich, Ysaÿe, Sibelius, Mahler, Dvorak, Mendelssohn... All of the great works that you can play as a young violinist, we've pretty much done together.



I got tendonitis one summer at Ithaca - I fell in love with a boy who played piano at a piano camp that only lasted for two weeks. I was there for four weeks. So when he left, I went to the practice room and stayed there. For a week and a half. Not my smartest move. 




People have told me that I have this sound, that when I play it just sounds like Karla. I owe that to Felix. I think one of the greatest memories behind that sound is TenString Serenade and the recording we did. We just soared when we played that music with Alex. It felt like flying. 



Felix got me through middle school, high school, and my first two and a half years of college. He's seen me at my worst, at my best, and every other time in between. He is the most patient creature I know. And there have been plenty of times when I could tell he was pissed off because I hadn't played in a few days, or times when he was happy because I've never sounded so good before... But if he has been nothing else, he has been a true constant in my life. The most constant thing next to my family. Always there, ready and waiting for the next practice session or rehearsal or performance. We were always in it together.

I don't think I would be the kind of violinist I am right now if I hadn't chosen Felix ten years ago. I don't know how I would be different, but I don't even want to know. That instrument taught me how to be everything I know how to be. Plus, he's been around for over 200 years, so he has truly seen it all. He has been quietly teaching me lessons about life and music in our time together. I am indebted to that instrument.


Here's to the old and the new. Long live Felix!