I don't know where to start. Should I start with the part where I didn't write for 2 months, or the part where I said I wanted to make this a more regular thing? Let's go back a little bit, shall we? To a happier time and place....
Rewind about 6 months. It's March... I'm finding out that I'm not going to grad school, I'm not moving anywhere exciting, and The OK Factor is in its beginning stages of rock. I'm making Pinterest boards to inspire me about what's next after graduation. It's full of places I want to travel, things I should do, quotes to keep me motivated. I call my parents, confess that I'm probably moving back in with them, and they welcome me back with open arms, qualm my fears with promises of a gym membership and a room remodel. I'm feeling good about the move, I'm still surrounded by my best friends, creating new music, thinking about all the excellent things I'm going to accomplish with a year off.
Then I graduate. OK moves to Minneapolis for an awesome summer residency. We kick butt, play tons of shows, do some recording. We plan carefully for the year ahead. We do a final house show, and part ways. I spend a week reorganizing and worrying, sell my car, pack up my belongings in six suitcases, and fly home.
So here I am, about a month into my post-grad life (the summer doesn't count). I've set up a teaching studio with a good number of students, I'm playing at a couple churches, open mics, and jazz nights. I'm preparing my room to paint, looking at a couple new pieces to make the room more than just a bed and a bookshelf. OK is still going, we have a couple gigs coming up this fall, and a business meeting this Saturday. My diploma sits on a little shelf on the wall, reminding me of where I've been. I have a couple friends here, but it's mostly me and my mom, plus my dad on weekends when he's home from trips. I've planned my holidays out to split between here and Wisconsin, I've told people that I can only commit to things for a year, and that I don't know what next summer looks like. I recently discovered that chalkboard art is AWESOME, and I'm not bad at it. Money is tight, but I've found a way to make it to Starbucks for my "city" atmosphere at least once a week.
.... Do I sound less than happy? Do I sound a little underwhelmed? Maybe a little complacent?
Yeah. I think so, too.
So here's the dilemma. Let me just lay this out for you --
I realize I am not the only twenty-something trying to figure life out. I totally get that I am one among millions of other post-grads biding time while they get their stuff together. I've accepted these facts, and am trying to cope with them. But let me just say that I never thought I would be in this place. I never once thought, even for a minute, throughout high school and early college at least, that I would be living at home after college. I love my family and my home, but ever since I was told that I had even a pinch of talent, I've been dreaming of living in an apartment in a city, two blocks from a great coffee shop and a bus away from my gig that night. I got a taste of that this summer, and loved it.
The real problem, though, is not that I'm living at home or woe-is-me-I'm-a-poor-educated-kid-with-a-bright-future-dammit. No, no. The problem for me as of late is that I am complacent. I am passionless. I lack the spark and oomph that a twenty-something should have, that excitement that I actually used to have a few years ago. I basically don't feel much of anything these days, except for the rare occasion that I write a good groove or I get to see that cute boy of mine who lives in Wisconsin.
Thinking about the future should keep me motivated, but just makes me feel stuck. Dwelling on the past and how I thought things would turn out just digs me deeper in a rut. And being aware of my present situation tends to make me sad. So what's a girl to do?
I like TED talks. I read books like Decisive, Talent Is Never Enough, and The Mindful Way Through Anxiety. I follow business coaches and great work enthusiasts on Twitter. But for all the positive energy they give me, it never lasts. I am discovering that not only am I my own problem (hasn't that always been the case?), but I am also responsible for getting myself out of this rut. Everything I believe and every thought of mine that goes into the universe is directly related to my situation.
And hasn't this blog always been the space for me to complain, for me to just leave you with life lessons that I discovered, but have yet to put into practice? Haven't I always seemed to find something wrong with me, and then gone on to tell you about it in 1,000 words or less, sometimes more?
This is the point where I need to make a change. If I'm going to rewire my entire brain space to help me move on with my life, the only way I see to do that is to stop complaining. And therefore, I must cease this project. I want always to be a project, to improve myself and become a better human being, but I want to be a new project. I want to be a project that is worth working on, and that requires relinquishing my self-deprecation. I want a place where I feel like it's okay for me to figure out life in a new way, and this space has become a place where I come to when I want to complain and justify my feelings, not to mention seek validation from the blogosphere.
So, I leave you here. Hopefully I will also leave my complacency, anxiety, and negativity behind. Wish me luck, keep following The OK Factor, and maybe someday we can laugh about this blog together.
'Till then, here's to new spaces, chai tea lattes, and moving on.
September 26, 2013
July 11, 2013
forty dollars
It's another night when I know I shouldn't be writing, and in fact right now I would rather be sleeping than writing. But here I am again because it's one of those nights where I find myself with too much in my head and in need of an outlet.
Hello, my outlet. How are you?
K, so update.
First of all, it's July. I'm happily involved with two internships, one at a record label in St. Paul and the other with the National Lutheran Choir. Making progress and learning things and figuring out the metro transit system along the way. I'm finding that I'm really, truly not meant for a desk job.
The folk duo stuff is going really well -- we are headed to Georgia this weekend to play some shows in my hometown! We've played a bunch of shows so far here in Minneapolis as well as Cedar Falls and Milwaukee/Madison, and have more yet to come, including the Iowa State Fair in August!
The pace of the summer started out excruciatingly slow, so much so that I had to take on that second internship to keep from dying of boredom. Suddenly, it's almost the middle of July. Within a month I will be starting to pack my life up again and move back home. And this is where my head starts tossing and turning...
As of right now, I have two goals: 1. Play on stage with John Mayer (he needs a fiddle player, he just doesn't know it yet). 2. Start a non-profit. Within the next ten years.
I'm not in a hurry with No. 2, but for some reason No. 1 is really bugging me. I've got the itch to be on a giant stage with other fiercely talented musicians and rock out. I won't lie, it's probably because I saw John Mayer in concert at Summerfest recently and absolutely fell in love with his live performance. It was amazing to hear the voice that I've only known through headphones come from an actual person on the stage. From where I was standing, he was literally no bigger than an ant, but gosh darn it I saw John Mayer! The show was huge and encompassing and moving... I started to contemplate the vast number of people it takes to put on a show like that and I decided right there that I need to be a part of it. In some capacity -- I will bring out water bottles for the musicians. I will vacuum the many rugs that JM requires on stage. I will even be the flashlight person for when they want to make a sneaky entrance, but please just let me on that stage!
So I'm struggling with where I am and what I'm doing, and I'm wondering if I'm on the right track. I didn't choose to be home-schooled so I could practice 8 hours a day, and I didn't enter into fiddling competitions when I was 14.... Instead, I spent high-school learning how to improvise in a praise band and went to college for a liberal arts degree. My dad keeps telling me I'm on the slow burn trajectory, instead of the fast-track to success like some other artists, but I'm having a difficult time accepting that right now. I'm seeing friends and people I don't know find their way into the industry already, and I just want to be right there with them.
I'm completely convinced that I'll find my way there, too, in time. It's just the waiting that's making me antsy.
So until I reach my fortune and fame, here's to late night popcorn, bad TV, and living on $40 a month. Cheers!
Hello, my outlet. How are you?
K, so update.
First of all, it's July. I'm happily involved with two internships, one at a record label in St. Paul and the other with the National Lutheran Choir. Making progress and learning things and figuring out the metro transit system along the way. I'm finding that I'm really, truly not meant for a desk job.
The folk duo stuff is going really well -- we are headed to Georgia this weekend to play some shows in my hometown! We've played a bunch of shows so far here in Minneapolis as well as Cedar Falls and Milwaukee/Madison, and have more yet to come, including the Iowa State Fair in August!
The pace of the summer started out excruciatingly slow, so much so that I had to take on that second internship to keep from dying of boredom. Suddenly, it's almost the middle of July. Within a month I will be starting to pack my life up again and move back home. And this is where my head starts tossing and turning...
As of right now, I have two goals: 1. Play on stage with John Mayer (he needs a fiddle player, he just doesn't know it yet). 2. Start a non-profit. Within the next ten years.
I'm not in a hurry with No. 2, but for some reason No. 1 is really bugging me. I've got the itch to be on a giant stage with other fiercely talented musicians and rock out. I won't lie, it's probably because I saw John Mayer in concert at Summerfest recently and absolutely fell in love with his live performance. It was amazing to hear the voice that I've only known through headphones come from an actual person on the stage. From where I was standing, he was literally no bigger than an ant, but gosh darn it I saw John Mayer! The show was huge and encompassing and moving... I started to contemplate the vast number of people it takes to put on a show like that and I decided right there that I need to be a part of it. In some capacity -- I will bring out water bottles for the musicians. I will vacuum the many rugs that JM requires on stage. I will even be the flashlight person for when they want to make a sneaky entrance, but please just let me on that stage!
So I'm struggling with where I am and what I'm doing, and I'm wondering if I'm on the right track. I didn't choose to be home-schooled so I could practice 8 hours a day, and I didn't enter into fiddling competitions when I was 14.... Instead, I spent high-school learning how to improvise in a praise band and went to college for a liberal arts degree. My dad keeps telling me I'm on the slow burn trajectory, instead of the fast-track to success like some other artists, but I'm having a difficult time accepting that right now. I'm seeing friends and people I don't know find their way into the industry already, and I just want to be right there with them.
I'm completely convinced that I'll find my way there, too, in time. It's just the waiting that's making me antsy.
So until I reach my fortune and fame, here's to late night popcorn, bad TV, and living on $40 a month. Cheers!
May 23, 2013
post grad
So... I graduated on Sunday. I moved to Minneapolis on Monday. Started my internship on Wednesday, and today the sun is finally out!
It feels a little weird being a post-grad person, but I don't think it's actually hit me yet. I'm being super proactive to not let the inevitable "post-tour" depression weigh me down, so I'm doing things like making smoothies and blogging at 10:24am instead of 10:24pm. My room is full of color, I bought a candle yesterday, and I'm going to make bread this weekend. We're doing good.
I have been thinking about the direction I want this blog to go in. It seems to me that this project should be less full late night rants and more full of proactive, interesting, thoughtful, daytime explorations of my life. So I think that's where it's going to go. Not sure how I'll get there, but I have a few ideas that will probably show up in the next week or so.
So until then, here's to $30 bottles of red wine, basement living, and being on your own.
It feels a little weird being a post-grad person, but I don't think it's actually hit me yet. I'm being super proactive to not let the inevitable "post-tour" depression weigh me down, so I'm doing things like making smoothies and blogging at 10:24am instead of 10:24pm. My room is full of color, I bought a candle yesterday, and I'm going to make bread this weekend. We're doing good.
I have been thinking about the direction I want this blog to go in. It seems to me that this project should be less full late night rants and more full of proactive, interesting, thoughtful, daytime explorations of my life. So I think that's where it's going to go. Not sure how I'll get there, but I have a few ideas that will probably show up in the next week or so.
So until then, here's to $30 bottles of red wine, basement living, and being on your own.
April 11, 2013
plans and past things
I really shouldn't be writing right now. No, really. It is 1:18am on the night before my second show at ArtHaus. I have laundry to do so I won't have to go commando tomorrow. I have homework to finish. I need so much sleep it's not even funny. I really shouldn't be writing right now.
Someone please, tell me why it is that I'm always blogging around 1am? It's these times where it's more work to go to bed than to stay in this chair on my computer. Nights like these when I end up reading my old blog posts from years ago, reading words that I once thought, thinking about who I used to be.
(Ugh. Here we go.)
Things are so different! I'm about to graduate from college with a minor in communication studies. I'm working at an awesome record label this summer. Co-managing a sweet folk duo and a kick ass string ensemble. Pottery pieces that I've made are all around my room. Subway and I are best friends. I now own Clinique makeup, a pair of boots, fabulous bags, and an iPhone. I'm dating the greatest guy on the face of the planet. ... How did all of this happen?!
Let's be real, though. Some things haven't changed at all -
1. My room is still an absolute dump, no matter how hard I try to keep it clean.
2. I still blog and think a lot way too late at night.
3. I don't do my homework.
4. Still playing violin.
5. The jean quilt that my sister made me in high school is still on my bed.
It's not that I expected to stay the same these four years, but I feel I have a unique point of view of the changes I've made because I can read words that I wrote about my life throughout college. With every word I've written, I can literally feel who I used to be and who I am right now at the same time. It's kind of weird but kind of awesome, you know? It's a nice feeling to know that I made it past freshman and sophomore year and became a better person on the other side. Nice to know that I like myself much better now than I did just a few years ago.
But enough about the past! The next few months are so exciting. And after that.... a dark abyss of nothingness. (Add to the list of things that haven't changed: Still a drama queen about my future.) Seriously, though - tomorrow's show that I mentioned earlier? It's going to be the best show I've done all year. A folk duo that is both unlike anything I've ever done and something that just feels like second nature. We write tunes basically every day and we draw inspiration from everything around us. We played our first show last fall, and I swear in those moments of performance I was someone else. I was exactly who I've been wanting to be all this time. Fearless, creative, happy. Doing something that meant something to other people. Stepping outside of myself to create a common experience among a community. We've made tomorrow's show even better with some other talented musicians who are dear to us and some fun little quirks that I hope will pay off.
I'll tell you, though - planning a show is not easy. Last time around we basically had managers who took care of all the details for us. We just showed up and played. This time around, we've been single handedly doing all of the coordinating, marketing and promoting, and detail stuff in addition to rehearsing together, staying in school, and sleeping. The last week has been crazy, but I feel like tomorrow it will be so rewarding to see everything come together.
So. It's inching up on 2am. I'm desperately tired. My bed is just a few feet away....
... While I consider getting out of this chair, here's to baseball caps, old school label makers, and making music.
P.S. If you're curious about my folk duo, consider clicking on this link: www.facebook.com/theokfactor
Someone please, tell me why it is that I'm always blogging around 1am? It's these times where it's more work to go to bed than to stay in this chair on my computer. Nights like these when I end up reading my old blog posts from years ago, reading words that I once thought, thinking about who I used to be.
(Ugh. Here we go.)
Things are so different! I'm about to graduate from college with a minor in communication studies. I'm working at an awesome record label this summer. Co-managing a sweet folk duo and a kick ass string ensemble. Pottery pieces that I've made are all around my room. Subway and I are best friends. I now own Clinique makeup, a pair of boots, fabulous bags, and an iPhone. I'm dating the greatest guy on the face of the planet. ... How did all of this happen?!
Let's be real, though. Some things haven't changed at all -
1. My room is still an absolute dump, no matter how hard I try to keep it clean.
2. I still blog and think a lot way too late at night.
3. I don't do my homework.
4. Still playing violin.
5. The jean quilt that my sister made me in high school is still on my bed.
It's not that I expected to stay the same these four years, but I feel I have a unique point of view of the changes I've made because I can read words that I wrote about my life throughout college. With every word I've written, I can literally feel who I used to be and who I am right now at the same time. It's kind of weird but kind of awesome, you know? It's a nice feeling to know that I made it past freshman and sophomore year and became a better person on the other side. Nice to know that I like myself much better now than I did just a few years ago.
But enough about the past! The next few months are so exciting. And after that.... a dark abyss of nothingness. (Add to the list of things that haven't changed: Still a drama queen about my future.) Seriously, though - tomorrow's show that I mentioned earlier? It's going to be the best show I've done all year. A folk duo that is both unlike anything I've ever done and something that just feels like second nature. We write tunes basically every day and we draw inspiration from everything around us. We played our first show last fall, and I swear in those moments of performance I was someone else. I was exactly who I've been wanting to be all this time. Fearless, creative, happy. Doing something that meant something to other people. Stepping outside of myself to create a common experience among a community. We've made tomorrow's show even better with some other talented musicians who are dear to us and some fun little quirks that I hope will pay off.
I'll tell you, though - planning a show is not easy. Last time around we basically had managers who took care of all the details for us. We just showed up and played. This time around, we've been single handedly doing all of the coordinating, marketing and promoting, and detail stuff in addition to rehearsing together, staying in school, and sleeping. The last week has been crazy, but I feel like tomorrow it will be so rewarding to see everything come together.
So. It's inching up on 2am. I'm desperately tired. My bed is just a few feet away....
... While I consider getting out of this chair, here's to baseball caps, old school label makers, and making music.
P.S. If you're curious about my folk duo, consider clicking on this link: www.facebook.com/theokfactor
January 12, 2013
clouds
I made my first loaf of bread today. My favorite part? Well, okay I have two favorite parts. First favorite part was the ten minutes of kneading that happened after I mixed all the ingredients together. What satisfaction from feeling dough between and around my fingers! It reminded me of my pottery class that I attempted to take last semester, except that dough is so much more willing to be worked. Second favorite part: the little happy dance that happened after I pulled the fresh loaf out of the oven and smelled its deliciousness. As a late night snack, I put some peach preserves on a warm slice and it just melted in my mouth. I might have to make a loaf of bread every week.
Yes, I know. This is the first post since last summer. No, I don't need reminding that it is now January. It's called time travel, people. :-)
Here's what's new in cloud form -
9 months the ok factor pancake fellowship
nashville senior year minneapolis
the second law of thermodynamics entropy graduate school what if
last christmas at luther distant fashion sense in a funk in the moment
gavin shadow days tchaik memphis louisiana folk music baker village j-term strangz 22 nimrod concerto competition winner
coach clutch obsessed with etsy skeleton key ham balls wednesday wishing for spring still no iphone bergen 4
I think a cloud is a good way to represent the year, and actually the current state of my brain. I swear to you, if you were to operate right now and perform brain surgery, you would find a cloud of ideas and what ifs and why me's and really sweet song riffs. My brain is just all over the place right now.
The consequence of my cloud? It's making things foggy. I feel as if I'm not really here. I'm living both in the present and in this silly idea of the future. My neurons are obsessed with creating scenarios for something that doesn't even exist yet.
The worst part? I'm not sure how to clear the fog. It's like I need my own personal sun to dissipate this unsettled and uncomfortable feeling.
I have an inkling that after I have a clearer idea about what life holds for me in six months, the fog will lift. Or perhaps before that, when I learn whatever Life Lesson I'm in the middle of right now. It's just a weird place to be in. Not wanting to leave, yet desperately wanting to be somewhere else. Still having a lot of work to do for now and a lot of work to do for some other place in the space time continuum.
John Mayer is telling me that it's just a phase, it won't last forever. And fogs usually lift, right? Eventually?
Until the sun shines, here's to fresh bread, a face to call home, and the inevitability of spring.
Yes, I know. This is the first post since last summer. No, I don't need reminding that it is now January. It's called time travel, people. :-)
Here's what's new in cloud form -
9 months the ok factor pancake fellowship
nashville senior year minneapolis
the second law of thermodynamics entropy graduate school what if
last christmas at luther distant fashion sense in a funk in the moment
gavin shadow days tchaik memphis louisiana folk music baker village j-term strangz 22 nimrod concerto competition winner
coach clutch obsessed with etsy skeleton key ham balls wednesday wishing for spring still no iphone bergen 4
I think a cloud is a good way to represent the year, and actually the current state of my brain. I swear to you, if you were to operate right now and perform brain surgery, you would find a cloud of ideas and what ifs and why me's and really sweet song riffs. My brain is just all over the place right now.
The consequence of my cloud? It's making things foggy. I feel as if I'm not really here. I'm living both in the present and in this silly idea of the future. My neurons are obsessed with creating scenarios for something that doesn't even exist yet.
The worst part? I'm not sure how to clear the fog. It's like I need my own personal sun to dissipate this unsettled and uncomfortable feeling.
I have an inkling that after I have a clearer idea about what life holds for me in six months, the fog will lift. Or perhaps before that, when I learn whatever Life Lesson I'm in the middle of right now. It's just a weird place to be in. Not wanting to leave, yet desperately wanting to be somewhere else. Still having a lot of work to do for now and a lot of work to do for some other place in the space time continuum.
John Mayer is telling me that it's just a phase, it won't last forever. And fogs usually lift, right? Eventually?
Until the sun shines, here's to fresh bread, a face to call home, and the inevitability of spring.
July 20, 2012
this floating planet
Sometimes I find it very odd that I am a human being, walking this floating planet in the middle of a universe full of vast nothingness. It's just sort of... odd, isn't it?
I wonder why it is that the first five seconds of a particular song can drag me back in time to a particular moment in a particular place with particular feelings, and then somehow I'm stuck in a time warp for the remainder of those 3 minutes and 39 seconds.
I wonder why I spend my brain space worrying so much about things like graduate school and the fact that I didn't practice very much this afternoon, or where I'm going to be in 5 years or if I'll live to be an aunt someday.
And then there are days like today, when I read article after article about senseless, heartbreaking tragedies, that my very existence seems to halt and I wonder if it's okay for me to continue living and breathing like I am when others were denied that very opportunity early this morning.
It is sobering, haunting, and difficult to understand. I could have been one of those people. It could have been someone that I know or someone that I love dearly. It makes me wonder about this whole floating planet/being alive thing.
I wish my words were more poetic, but alas, they are not. I can offer this, though:
This whole walking and breathing and being alive thing is temporary and fragile. If I'm lucky, I'll live to be 97 years old, I'll have a walker with tennis balls and a giant family to keep my memory alive. I'll eat 76 more birthday cakes and make at least that many more for the people I love. I'll fly an airplane, I'll go sailing, I'll travel the world and make music and squeeze the most that I can out of my capacity to love, and to live, to think and create, and to believe in something larger than myself.
I count myself as lucky to have already eaten 21 birthday cakes. I've written music and read books and taken photographs of fantastic moments in this life I've been given. I have eaten fresh guacamole and homemade pies, worn dresses sewn by my mother, and have come to love an extraordinary amount of people.
The challenge for me in all of this is to not let senseless and heartbreaking tragedies stop me from living. I tend to hide when lives are lost for reasons that I can't comprehend. I am simply terrified. I walk on eggshells and I worry constantly, consistently.
But if I do that, then aren't I doing a disservice to those lost lives? My own existence in spite of their passing is a challenge to live a little fuller every day. In honor of the other souls who have left this floating planet before me, I will dig a little deeper and try a little harder. I will do my best not to be afraid of life and all that comes with it. We don't really have a choice anyway, do we?
Here's to life, fresh guac, and this little floating planet.
I wonder why it is that the first five seconds of a particular song can drag me back in time to a particular moment in a particular place with particular feelings, and then somehow I'm stuck in a time warp for the remainder of those 3 minutes and 39 seconds.
I wonder why I spend my brain space worrying so much about things like graduate school and the fact that I didn't practice very much this afternoon, or where I'm going to be in 5 years or if I'll live to be an aunt someday.
And then there are days like today, when I read article after article about senseless, heartbreaking tragedies, that my very existence seems to halt and I wonder if it's okay for me to continue living and breathing like I am when others were denied that very opportunity early this morning.
It is sobering, haunting, and difficult to understand. I could have been one of those people. It could have been someone that I know or someone that I love dearly. It makes me wonder about this whole floating planet/being alive thing.
I wish my words were more poetic, but alas, they are not. I can offer this, though:
This whole walking and breathing and being alive thing is temporary and fragile. If I'm lucky, I'll live to be 97 years old, I'll have a walker with tennis balls and a giant family to keep my memory alive. I'll eat 76 more birthday cakes and make at least that many more for the people I love. I'll fly an airplane, I'll go sailing, I'll travel the world and make music and squeeze the most that I can out of my capacity to love, and to live, to think and create, and to believe in something larger than myself.
I count myself as lucky to have already eaten 21 birthday cakes. I've written music and read books and taken photographs of fantastic moments in this life I've been given. I have eaten fresh guacamole and homemade pies, worn dresses sewn by my mother, and have come to love an extraordinary amount of people.
The challenge for me in all of this is to not let senseless and heartbreaking tragedies stop me from living. I tend to hide when lives are lost for reasons that I can't comprehend. I am simply terrified. I walk on eggshells and I worry constantly, consistently.
But if I do that, then aren't I doing a disservice to those lost lives? My own existence in spite of their passing is a challenge to live a little fuller every day. In honor of the other souls who have left this floating planet before me, I will dig a little deeper and try a little harder. I will do my best not to be afraid of life and all that comes with it. We don't really have a choice anyway, do we?
Here's to life, fresh guac, and this little floating planet.
June 12, 2012
being old and eating too much ice cream
Yes, I realize it's been, ehh, two months since I've posted.
I'm not so much apologizing to all of you devoted readers as I am apologizing to myself for getting behind on something that brings me happiness, but I have good reasons. Promise.
I finished my junior year at Luther. Secured the concertmaster position for one more year. Played a seemingly endless amount of recitals and concerts, including a kick-ass Strangz show, a final LCSO performance with some of my favorite seniors, and a jazz concert at home that kicked off our two-week Brazil tour. Bought a fabulous beach hat just for that occasion. Went to Brazil. Met some incredible people, played some swinging tunes, and ate so much fried cheese. Arrived back in the States last week, I've been recouping and doing laundry ever since.
So what's next, you ask? Spending a weekend in Milwaukee with a fabulous guitar player, spending the next week learning a Dvorak piano quartet and maybe choosing a new bow, then shipping off to Ohio for 5 weeks to meet new people and play awesome music. After that, I get August to buy kitchen supplies and toiletries for my small townhouse, and then I move in for my senior year.
I'm old.
But I'm happy, so I think I'm doing something right. Finally!
I have no Life Lesson for you today - well, maybe a mini one:
A Mini Life Lesson with Karla, brought to you by Orkin:
There are some things that are truly worth your time, like experiencing a favela, meeting fellow musicians that don't speak your language, eating Brazilian food, kissing on a mountaintop, working hard for something and seeing it pay off, staring at the vast ocean...
And there are some things that aren't worth your time, like worrying, being insecure about silly things, letting other people influence how you feel, staying up late staring at a computer...
Life is all about balance. Sometimes you need those unworthy time sucks to point you in the right direction. But at some point you've (I've) got to learn to see them coming and find ways to avoid them so you (I) can get back to staring at the ocean and not let a bad attitude get in the way of really experiencing those worthy things.
It's doable. Just takes some practice.
Here's to Mrs. Field's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frozen Dessert, HGTV, and Chardonnay. Happy balancing, everyone.
P.S. Felix sold last week. To a young violin collector with a passion for violins. If you live in California and see a gorgeous violin just sitting around, let me know.
I'm not so much apologizing to all of you devoted readers as I am apologizing to myself for getting behind on something that brings me happiness, but I have good reasons. Promise.
I finished my junior year at Luther. Secured the concertmaster position for one more year. Played a seemingly endless amount of recitals and concerts, including a kick-ass Strangz show, a final LCSO performance with some of my favorite seniors, and a jazz concert at home that kicked off our two-week Brazil tour. Bought a fabulous beach hat just for that occasion. Went to Brazil. Met some incredible people, played some swinging tunes, and ate so much fried cheese. Arrived back in the States last week, I've been recouping and doing laundry ever since.
So what's next, you ask? Spending a weekend in Milwaukee with a fabulous guitar player, spending the next week learning a Dvorak piano quartet and maybe choosing a new bow, then shipping off to Ohio for 5 weeks to meet new people and play awesome music. After that, I get August to buy kitchen supplies and toiletries for my small townhouse, and then I move in for my senior year.
I'm old.
But I'm happy, so I think I'm doing something right. Finally!
I have no Life Lesson for you today - well, maybe a mini one:
A Mini Life Lesson with Karla, brought to you by Orkin:
There are some things that are truly worth your time, like experiencing a favela, meeting fellow musicians that don't speak your language, eating Brazilian food, kissing on a mountaintop, working hard for something and seeing it pay off, staring at the vast ocean...
And there are some things that aren't worth your time, like worrying, being insecure about silly things, letting other people influence how you feel, staying up late staring at a computer...
Life is all about balance. Sometimes you need those unworthy time sucks to point you in the right direction. But at some point you've (I've) got to learn to see them coming and find ways to avoid them so you (I) can get back to staring at the ocean and not let a bad attitude get in the way of really experiencing those worthy things.
It's doable. Just takes some practice.
Here's to Mrs. Field's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frozen Dessert, HGTV, and Chardonnay. Happy balancing, everyone.
P.S. Felix sold last week. To a young violin collector with a passion for violins. If you live in California and see a gorgeous violin just sitting around, let me know.
April 11, 2012
good grades and chaos
There are so many things happening right now. My brain is on overload and I can't focus on studying for my romantic music history test tomorrow. Chopin, you'll just have to wait until the morning.
List time. Here's what's going down.
1. I applied for three different summer music festivals, not expecting to get accepted into any of them. Got accepted into all three.
2. Just got the memo that some close friends from home are moving in June. Going home is going to be disappointing and empty without them there. This whole "growing up" thing is about to get really real.
3. There's a stack of music about 1 inch thick sitting in my locker, waiting for me to learn it all. Before the end of the semester. Less than 5 weeks left.
4. Changes in relationships. Friends and significant others.
5. Just registered for my fall semester of senior year. No music classes. Two communications classes, a pottery class, and "Ethics and Technology." And senior paper. And grad school applications.
6. Jazz Orchestra domestic tour is next weekend and I still don't have all of my music learned.
7. Regina Carter is coming on Friday to work with Strangz and the Jazz O. An epic workshop will ensue.
8. Concermaster auditions, Collegium concert, Bach @ First Lutheran, papers, projects, chemistry, maintaining my sanity, and learning excerpts/rep for summer programs. Oh, and getting ready for the Jazz Orch international tour to Brazil in May.
JUST A BUNCH OF CRAZINESS!
My sentences are really short this evening. Just goes to show how much brain power I have right now for writing. Zero.
Soon I will write for the purpose of writing instead of listing. I hope that will be soon.
Till then, here's to passing Chem, RAV4s, and the chaos of life...
List time. Here's what's going down.
1. I applied for three different summer music festivals, not expecting to get accepted into any of them. Got accepted into all three.
2. Just got the memo that some close friends from home are moving in June. Going home is going to be disappointing and empty without them there. This whole "growing up" thing is about to get really real.
3. There's a stack of music about 1 inch thick sitting in my locker, waiting for me to learn it all. Before the end of the semester. Less than 5 weeks left.
4. Changes in relationships. Friends and significant others.
5. Just registered for my fall semester of senior year. No music classes. Two communications classes, a pottery class, and "Ethics and Technology." And senior paper. And grad school applications.
6. Jazz Orchestra domestic tour is next weekend and I still don't have all of my music learned.
7. Regina Carter is coming on Friday to work with Strangz and the Jazz O. An epic workshop will ensue.
8. Concermaster auditions, Collegium concert, Bach @ First Lutheran, papers, projects, chemistry, maintaining my sanity, and learning excerpts/rep for summer programs. Oh, and getting ready for the Jazz Orch international tour to Brazil in May.
JUST A BUNCH OF CRAZINESS!
My sentences are really short this evening. Just goes to show how much brain power I have right now for writing. Zero.
Soon I will write for the purpose of writing instead of listing. I hope that will be soon.
Till then, here's to passing Chem, RAV4s, and the chaos of life...
February 26, 2012
number two
I tend to write when I'm frustrated, don't I?
There's something about writing that helps me focus my thoughts. I know it's almost 1:30 in the morning, but I need focus before I can sleep. Let's give it a shot.
I recently developed a list of abstract nouns that I like. I call them The K-Attitudes. Like Beatitudes, but different. They are as follows:
1. Love
2. Patience
3. Passion
4. Drive
5. Courage
6. Kindness
7. Gratitude
Most of them I am doing okay with so far. Number 2 is really frustrating me, though. Go figure.
I can relate it back to something I'm working on with violin. I've got this problem with my right arm - I hold tension in my elbow and so my sound gets tight. But when I'm able to mentally release the tension from my elbow, my sound instantly opens up. It's easier and freer and requires the use of arm weight and gravity rather than pressure from the tendons in my back and shoulder.
So why don't I do this all the time? Why am I not always aware of the fact that I hold tension? And to relate it back to life, why am I not always aware that I cause myself tension, that I am the source of the tension and the solution for it as well? Where is my Number 2 Patience?
I don't think I've figured this one out yet. When I do, I'll have another Life Lesson for you.
There are just lots of little things going on right now in life that create tension. Problems I've yet to deal with, people I have yet to figure out, making it from one class/rehearsal to the next without being pissed off... It's stupid because I know how to deal with these things. It's just like my elbow - let go. Be aware of the fact that I'm causing the tension for myself and then let it go. It's simple, right?
There are just as many happy things going on, too. Things that help release tension. Like playing on a faculty recital with all faculty members. What motivation, and just what fun! So much fun. And cute guitar players who enjoy late night ice cream runs and hiking snowy bluffs on Sunday mornings. There's also my new violin, which is really starting to come into it's own. I'm really enjoying getting to know the sound - I've had a couple humorous moments with it in lessons where my teacher will say the sound is "scary" on the G-string - I'm still figuring out what makes it tick. It's a great instrument. I feel lucky to have it. And of course, I have my fantastic friends. They listen to speeches for my public address class and test me to see if I can keep a straight face and not laugh while talking about southern fried chicken. They also can't make it through a meal in the caf without doing something ridiculous and having a good laugh about it. I'm lucky to have them, too.
I let the little things fester until I am, as Dan calls it, and "emotional storm of fury." If I let that happen to my elbow, I would have tendonitis. Perhaps I need a little more No. 6 and No. 7 in my life. I'll let you know when I've got it more figured out.
Till then, here's to good folk music, Ben & Jerry's, and the view of Decorah from the top of Dunning Springs.
There's something about writing that helps me focus my thoughts. I know it's almost 1:30 in the morning, but I need focus before I can sleep. Let's give it a shot.
I recently developed a list of abstract nouns that I like. I call them The K-Attitudes. Like Beatitudes, but different. They are as follows:
1. Love
2. Patience
3. Passion
4. Drive
5. Courage
6. Kindness
7. Gratitude
Most of them I am doing okay with so far. Number 2 is really frustrating me, though. Go figure.
I can relate it back to something I'm working on with violin. I've got this problem with my right arm - I hold tension in my elbow and so my sound gets tight. But when I'm able to mentally release the tension from my elbow, my sound instantly opens up. It's easier and freer and requires the use of arm weight and gravity rather than pressure from the tendons in my back and shoulder.
So why don't I do this all the time? Why am I not always aware of the fact that I hold tension? And to relate it back to life, why am I not always aware that I cause myself tension, that I am the source of the tension and the solution for it as well? Where is my Number 2 Patience?
I don't think I've figured this one out yet. When I do, I'll have another Life Lesson for you.
There are just lots of little things going on right now in life that create tension. Problems I've yet to deal with, people I have yet to figure out, making it from one class/rehearsal to the next without being pissed off... It's stupid because I know how to deal with these things. It's just like my elbow - let go. Be aware of the fact that I'm causing the tension for myself and then let it go. It's simple, right?
There are just as many happy things going on, too. Things that help release tension. Like playing on a faculty recital with all faculty members. What motivation, and just what fun! So much fun. And cute guitar players who enjoy late night ice cream runs and hiking snowy bluffs on Sunday mornings. There's also my new violin, which is really starting to come into it's own. I'm really enjoying getting to know the sound - I've had a couple humorous moments with it in lessons where my teacher will say the sound is "scary" on the G-string - I'm still figuring out what makes it tick. It's a great instrument. I feel lucky to have it. And of course, I have my fantastic friends. They listen to speeches for my public address class and test me to see if I can keep a straight face and not laugh while talking about southern fried chicken. They also can't make it through a meal in the caf without doing something ridiculous and having a good laugh about it. I'm lucky to have them, too.
I let the little things fester until I am, as Dan calls it, and "emotional storm of fury." If I let that happen to my elbow, I would have tendonitis. Perhaps I need a little more No. 6 and No. 7 in my life. I'll let you know when I've got it more figured out.
Till then, here's to good folk music, Ben & Jerry's, and the view of Decorah from the top of Dunning Springs.
January 30, 2012
just peachy
I think this is the fourth or fifth time that I have sat at my desk this J-break, staring at my computer, feeling the butterflies in my stomach move around and make me feel nervous about absolutely nothing.
I've been working on organizing my life for the next few months, and there is so much. I'm teaching four students, taking lessons on two different instruments, in three large ensembles and three small chamber groups, still playing with Strangz and all the gigs that come with it; I'm taking Chemistry, which is probably where the bulk of my nervousness comes from, and an advanced conducting class, which is also a little scary. I'm also playing in a bunch of recitals this semester which I have yet to learn the music for. On top of all that, I have to find time to practice, workout, and keep my friends. I think one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world is complain about my schedule. I'm so good at it.
I spent the past weekend in Cedar Falls with two of my best girlfriends. It was so great to get off campus and unashamedly belt to my latest and greatest mix CD while driving down 52. It was the most unburdened feeling I've had in a long time. The question is, though, how do you get that feeling to transfer over to a semester of craziness?
A Life Lesson With Karla, brought to you by Carmex:
Life Lesson #6: Keep everything in perspective. If you lose it, find any way possible to get it back.
Honestly, I only have one solution right now to getting my perspective back. It involves highway 52 and a good CD. There's something about literally driving away from wherever I am that helps me remember that the world is so much bigger than Luther, and my problems and inconsistencies are so tiny in comparison. The only problem is that I have to come back to Luther eventually, and by extension I have to come back to everything that I was trying to get away from in the first place.
Like I said at the beginning, I've been staring at nothing when I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I was fine over the weekend, but as soon as I got back it was like I was sucked back into my frustrated-ness and overwhelmed self. I think I'll have to go for another drive before school starts on Wednesday.
I am a nervous person by nature. I also feel things really strongly, so it makes me more dramatic than I intend to be, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that which includes not knowing why I've spent an hour staring at my computer and blogging instead of cleaning my room. Here are my reasons for being nervous/frustrated/overwhelmed today:
1. Scheduling. We talked about this one.
2. I hate feeling like I'm the only one pulling my weight in a friendship. I'm always being told, "Put yourself in my shoes, Karla." Well, ever thought about what it would be like to wear my size 7's?
3. No matter how much I wish things were different, they won't change. Or at least they won't change in the way I want them to.
4. Responsibility. Real world responsibility.
5. Summer camp auditions and being ready. Oh, the qualms of being ready.
You know what will happen? School will start and I'll get into the groove of things and everything will be fine. It's just that on-the-edge feeling, the not knowing and assuming how things will go. Projecting my own unfortunate scenarios on the Universe. Haven't we learned that everything takes care of itself? The Universe doesn't need my help on this one. Next Life Lesson right there.
Here's to driving, potato chips, and peach schnapps. Bring it on, Spring Semester.
I've been working on organizing my life for the next few months, and there is so much. I'm teaching four students, taking lessons on two different instruments, in three large ensembles and three small chamber groups, still playing with Strangz and all the gigs that come with it; I'm taking Chemistry, which is probably where the bulk of my nervousness comes from, and an advanced conducting class, which is also a little scary. I'm also playing in a bunch of recitals this semester which I have yet to learn the music for. On top of all that, I have to find time to practice, workout, and keep my friends. I think one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world is complain about my schedule. I'm so good at it.
I spent the past weekend in Cedar Falls with two of my best girlfriends. It was so great to get off campus and unashamedly belt to my latest and greatest mix CD while driving down 52. It was the most unburdened feeling I've had in a long time. The question is, though, how do you get that feeling to transfer over to a semester of craziness?
A Life Lesson With Karla, brought to you by Carmex:
Life Lesson #6: Keep everything in perspective. If you lose it, find any way possible to get it back.
Honestly, I only have one solution right now to getting my perspective back. It involves highway 52 and a good CD. There's something about literally driving away from wherever I am that helps me remember that the world is so much bigger than Luther, and my problems and inconsistencies are so tiny in comparison. The only problem is that I have to come back to Luther eventually, and by extension I have to come back to everything that I was trying to get away from in the first place.
Like I said at the beginning, I've been staring at nothing when I get frustrated and overwhelmed. I was fine over the weekend, but as soon as I got back it was like I was sucked back into my frustrated-ness and overwhelmed self. I think I'll have to go for another drive before school starts on Wednesday.
I am a nervous person by nature. I also feel things really strongly, so it makes me more dramatic than I intend to be, and then I have to deal with the consequences of that which includes not knowing why I've spent an hour staring at my computer and blogging instead of cleaning my room. Here are my reasons for being nervous/frustrated/overwhelmed today:
1. Scheduling. We talked about this one.
2. I hate feeling like I'm the only one pulling my weight in a friendship. I'm always being told, "Put yourself in my shoes, Karla." Well, ever thought about what it would be like to wear my size 7's?
3. No matter how much I wish things were different, they won't change. Or at least they won't change in the way I want them to.
4. Responsibility. Real world responsibility.
5. Summer camp auditions and being ready. Oh, the qualms of being ready.
You know what will happen? School will start and I'll get into the groove of things and everything will be fine. It's just that on-the-edge feeling, the not knowing and assuming how things will go. Projecting my own unfortunate scenarios on the Universe. Haven't we learned that everything takes care of itself? The Universe doesn't need my help on this one. Next Life Lesson right there.
Here's to driving, potato chips, and peach schnapps. Bring it on, Spring Semester.
January 19, 2012
winter lager
Friends, readers - Hello!
It is almost the end of J-term, which just feels absolutely bizarre to say. It's been kind of a weird month, but a really good weird month, and I've come to share what I've learned so far. In list form, of course.
1. Buddhist monasteries are the most peaceful places on the planet.
2. Productiveness comes and goes in waves. I've had amazingly productive days this month and I've had ridiculously pathetic days. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay.
3. I've figured out one part of my current religious identity. We've been talking about identity a lot this month and while everything from my past adds up to who I am right now, at least in terms of religion I've figured out that I'm a pluralist. Not sure what kind of pluralist, whether Christian or Humanist or Unitarian or Buddhist, but the cool thing is that I get to choose. I have a choice! I don't have to follow the traditions of my parents or my friends. And you know what the best part is? It's fine! It is perfectly normal and okay to feel like I could learn so much from the world's traditions. I don't have to have a traditional label. SO. GREAT.
4. I really like meditating. I need so much more practice, but I really like it.
5. When I make lists, I really do get more done.
6. I came to terms with some things this month, and even if they aren't easy things to deal with it's good to know where I stand.
7. As much as I wish I knew how to cook, I know that I am good at making a happy home at dinner time. I mentioned in the last post about making dinner that one night? Well, I made a dinner table out of Dan's coffee table, complete with place mats made out of my new dish towels, bowls, forks, stemless wine glasses, napkins, and places for the food on the table. Oh yeah, and cool jazz in the background. So happy. :-)
8. New favorite beer: Sam Adams Winter Lager.
9. Trying new things is good. I've had two Saturdays as a radio DJ at KWLC and it's been awesome. A crash course in doing things I'm not comfortable with.
10. I enjoy teaching. Who knew? I started teaching four students and it's been so much fun! The small amount of income is nice, too, but it's great to feel like I'm helping these students become better players and at the same time reminding myself of the basics.
So, I've almost accomplished everything on my list from a couple weeks ago. I got my pinhole camera in the mail and constructed it last weekend. I've taken some pictures, but I'm not sure if it's working so hopefully I will get them developed over J-break. I haven't done as much conducting as I wanted to, but my schedule this month as been weird and unfortunately not conducive to free time spent on conducting. I met with my Baroque violin teacher this week, though, and got some ideas for rep, so we will start lessons next month.
I think I've been productive! I've done new things, practiced a bunch, cleaned my room several times, and worked out pretty consistently since January 1st. I'd say that's pretty successful.
Here's to the last few days of class and quiet around campus!
It is almost the end of J-term, which just feels absolutely bizarre to say. It's been kind of a weird month, but a really good weird month, and I've come to share what I've learned so far. In list form, of course.
1. Buddhist monasteries are the most peaceful places on the planet.
2. Productiveness comes and goes in waves. I've had amazingly productive days this month and I've had ridiculously pathetic days. I'm trying to convince myself that it's okay.
3. I've figured out one part of my current religious identity. We've been talking about identity a lot this month and while everything from my past adds up to who I am right now, at least in terms of religion I've figured out that I'm a pluralist. Not sure what kind of pluralist, whether Christian or Humanist or Unitarian or Buddhist, but the cool thing is that I get to choose. I have a choice! I don't have to follow the traditions of my parents or my friends. And you know what the best part is? It's fine! It is perfectly normal and okay to feel like I could learn so much from the world's traditions. I don't have to have a traditional label. SO. GREAT.
4. I really like meditating. I need so much more practice, but I really like it.
5. When I make lists, I really do get more done.
6. I came to terms with some things this month, and even if they aren't easy things to deal with it's good to know where I stand.
7. As much as I wish I knew how to cook, I know that I am good at making a happy home at dinner time. I mentioned in the last post about making dinner that one night? Well, I made a dinner table out of Dan's coffee table, complete with place mats made out of my new dish towels, bowls, forks, stemless wine glasses, napkins, and places for the food on the table. Oh yeah, and cool jazz in the background. So happy. :-)
8. New favorite beer: Sam Adams Winter Lager.
9. Trying new things is good. I've had two Saturdays as a radio DJ at KWLC and it's been awesome. A crash course in doing things I'm not comfortable with.
10. I enjoy teaching. Who knew? I started teaching four students and it's been so much fun! The small amount of income is nice, too, but it's great to feel like I'm helping these students become better players and at the same time reminding myself of the basics.
So, I've almost accomplished everything on my list from a couple weeks ago. I got my pinhole camera in the mail and constructed it last weekend. I've taken some pictures, but I'm not sure if it's working so hopefully I will get them developed over J-break. I haven't done as much conducting as I wanted to, but my schedule this month as been weird and unfortunately not conducive to free time spent on conducting. I met with my Baroque violin teacher this week, though, and got some ideas for rep, so we will start lessons next month.
I think I've been productive! I've done new things, practiced a bunch, cleaned my room several times, and worked out pretty consistently since January 1st. I'd say that's pretty successful.
Here's to the last few days of class and quiet around campus!
January 8, 2012
red-checkered fun
Happy New Year! Can't believe it's already been a year, eh?
News, news, news...
Christmas ended up being really good. I spent a lot of time with my cousins who have grown up so much, and we played a good solid 3 games of lazer tag and some Nancy Drew while I was in Madison. The family spent New Years in the UP, which was different for us. So much good food, a lot of doing nothing, and a fun evening with my cousin to ring in the new year . Eventually I ended up back at school with a giant box of knickknacks from Christmas to stuff into my room and enough motivation for this month to make me feel like the Energizer Bunny.
So, it is January, the month devoted to giving myself a swift kick in the ass every morning so that I get up and do what needs to get done. In this case, that would be working out, practicing, homework, and all of the little projects that I seem to think I will have time to complete. Here's my Project Box, as I like to call it:
1. Reorganize Room/Email inbox/Xmas Presents (mostly done)
2. Work on conducting
3. Start Baroque violin repertoire
4. Cook dinner (did that tonight - spaghetti with meatballs, Caesar salad, garlic bread, white wine)
5. Finish summer camp applications
6. Pinhole camera
7. $5 from lessons to the Fun Fund
Riveting, I know. But I am excited about the pinhole camera! A new foray into some different kind of photography. I'll try to post some pictures when I get the box up and running. And the Fun Fund is dedicated to saving for the next trip to Vienna, or wherever Dan convinces me that we need to go. I have only a year or so left on my flight benefits, so traveling is a must. Must must must. Ireland? Germany? England? Australia? New York?
Today I bought the newest Coldplay album. I'm addicted to their single, "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall." Favorite moment:
As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tear's a waterfall
I'm not usually one to post song lyrics. Sometimes that gets to be a little lame, but this one is just so good. If I had my own radio station, I would play this one on repeat for at least an hour. A perpetual dance party to Coldplay is always a good idea.
...
You can tell that it's J-term when I don't have a lot to post about except dinner plans and my new favorite song. But I will say this about January - it is the calm before the storm. Second semester comes and goes like a breeze, so I am determined to enjoy the quiet, the space, the solitude.
Here's to butter, fresh basil, a glass of white wine, and my grandmother's red-checkered apron. :-)
News, news, news...
Christmas ended up being really good. I spent a lot of time with my cousins who have grown up so much, and we played a good solid 3 games of lazer tag and some Nancy Drew while I was in Madison. The family spent New Years in the UP, which was different for us. So much good food, a lot of doing nothing, and a fun evening with my cousin to ring in the new year . Eventually I ended up back at school with a giant box of knickknacks from Christmas to stuff into my room and enough motivation for this month to make me feel like the Energizer Bunny.
So, it is January, the month devoted to giving myself a swift kick in the ass every morning so that I get up and do what needs to get done. In this case, that would be working out, practicing, homework, and all of the little projects that I seem to think I will have time to complete. Here's my Project Box, as I like to call it:
1. Reorganize Room/Email inbox/Xmas Presents (mostly done)
2. Work on conducting
3. Start Baroque violin repertoire
4. Cook dinner (did that tonight - spaghetti with meatballs, Caesar salad, garlic bread, white wine)
5. Finish summer camp applications
6. Pinhole camera
7. $5 from lessons to the Fun Fund
Riveting, I know. But I am excited about the pinhole camera! A new foray into some different kind of photography. I'll try to post some pictures when I get the box up and running. And the Fun Fund is dedicated to saving for the next trip to Vienna, or wherever Dan convinces me that we need to go. I have only a year or so left on my flight benefits, so traveling is a must. Must must must. Ireland? Germany? England? Australia? New York?
Today I bought the newest Coldplay album. I'm addicted to their single, "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall." Favorite moment:
As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tear's a waterfall
I'm not usually one to post song lyrics. Sometimes that gets to be a little lame, but this one is just so good. If I had my own radio station, I would play this one on repeat for at least an hour. A perpetual dance party to Coldplay is always a good idea.
...
You can tell that it's J-term when I don't have a lot to post about except dinner plans and my new favorite song. But I will say this about January - it is the calm before the storm. Second semester comes and goes like a breeze, so I am determined to enjoy the quiet, the space, the solitude.
Here's to butter, fresh basil, a glass of white wine, and my grandmother's red-checkered apron. :-)
December 23, 2011
cookie tins and flannel
I'm going to cut right to the chase here.
A Life Lesson with Karla, brought to you by Delta Airlines:
Life Lesson #6: Be careful what you wish for. As they say, you just might get it.
After a semester of emotional ups and downs, inconsistencies, and trying to make peace with change, I am finding myself blogging on a couch in the basement of my grandmother's house instead of upstairs hanging out with family. Granted, it doesn't help that I've been up till 2am the past two nights and then getting up early the next day, so being tired is a part of this apathetic funk that I feel like I'm in. But if I push away the exhaustion, there's a feeling in my gut that I haven't felt for a long time. After many conversations and late nights losing sleep over seemingly uncontrollable feelings, I am finally, blissfully alone.
Completely and totally alone.
This is what I wished for. I know it's what I want deep down. But even being surrounded by family and dozens of cookie tins, I can't seem to reach myself where I am. I'm in such a different place than I've been in a long time and for some reason no amount of food, alcohol, or close friends and family can just be with me where I am.
I used to think I would relish in this feeling. No obligations, no commitments, no nada. As Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally (I'm improvising a little), "It's not because I'm lonely and it's not because it's Christmas!" There aren't any special circumstances that contribute to this feeling of utter alone-ness. And I feel like you can be alone without being lonely - I'm not lonely. I guess I'm just confused. I thought for the longest time that I would arrive at this point with a solid grounding in myself and confidence that I've made the right decisions in the past few months. But all I can seem to muster up is a feeling of disappointment, like I haven't really been honest with myself and like I haven't yet committed to the idea of being alone.
When you wish for something, you never quite know how it's going to show up. It might ring your doorbell, call you late at night, or just slap you in the face when you least expect it. I think my remedy for this funk is going to be a good cry, a few Special K bars, and surrounding myself with family. Maybe I'll even use this experience to practice grace, not just with other people but with myself this time.
....
Okay! So after that downer of a post, here are ten things that have been good in the past couple of weeks:
1. First casino experience. Lost $14, but that's okay. It was worth it.
2. I've eaten more brie in the past week than I have in my entire life.
3. You know it's Christmas when my grandmother has an entire closet full of Christmas cookie tins.
4. I skipped a two-day road trip with my parents by flying to Minneapolis instead and hanging out with two of my favorite people.
5. I frosted Engbring Christmas cookies for the first time in 6 years today.
6. The pillow that I sleep on is encased in a flannel pillow case with dancing penguins.
7. Christmas at Luther 2008 is on upstairs, and I can hear my parents scream every time they see my sister on the television. Makes me smile.
8. Discovered my new favorite wine: Eroica Riesling
9. White chocolate pretzels.
10. Picking out the Christmas pajamas for me and my sister.
Here's to new beginnings, Wisconsin Public Television, and flannel. Merry Christmas, friends.
A Life Lesson with Karla, brought to you by Delta Airlines:
Life Lesson #6: Be careful what you wish for. As they say, you just might get it.
After a semester of emotional ups and downs, inconsistencies, and trying to make peace with change, I am finding myself blogging on a couch in the basement of my grandmother's house instead of upstairs hanging out with family. Granted, it doesn't help that I've been up till 2am the past two nights and then getting up early the next day, so being tired is a part of this apathetic funk that I feel like I'm in. But if I push away the exhaustion, there's a feeling in my gut that I haven't felt for a long time. After many conversations and late nights losing sleep over seemingly uncontrollable feelings, I am finally, blissfully alone.
Completely and totally alone.
This is what I wished for. I know it's what I want deep down. But even being surrounded by family and dozens of cookie tins, I can't seem to reach myself where I am. I'm in such a different place than I've been in a long time and for some reason no amount of food, alcohol, or close friends and family can just be with me where I am.
I used to think I would relish in this feeling. No obligations, no commitments, no nada. As Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally (I'm improvising a little), "It's not because I'm lonely and it's not because it's Christmas!" There aren't any special circumstances that contribute to this feeling of utter alone-ness. And I feel like you can be alone without being lonely - I'm not lonely. I guess I'm just confused. I thought for the longest time that I would arrive at this point with a solid grounding in myself and confidence that I've made the right decisions in the past few months. But all I can seem to muster up is a feeling of disappointment, like I haven't really been honest with myself and like I haven't yet committed to the idea of being alone.
When you wish for something, you never quite know how it's going to show up. It might ring your doorbell, call you late at night, or just slap you in the face when you least expect it. I think my remedy for this funk is going to be a good cry, a few Special K bars, and surrounding myself with family. Maybe I'll even use this experience to practice grace, not just with other people but with myself this time.
....
Okay! So after that downer of a post, here are ten things that have been good in the past couple of weeks:
1. First casino experience. Lost $14, but that's okay. It was worth it.
2. I've eaten more brie in the past week than I have in my entire life.
3. You know it's Christmas when my grandmother has an entire closet full of Christmas cookie tins.
4. I skipped a two-day road trip with my parents by flying to Minneapolis instead and hanging out with two of my favorite people.
5. I frosted Engbring Christmas cookies for the first time in 6 years today.
6. The pillow that I sleep on is encased in a flannel pillow case with dancing penguins.
7. Christmas at Luther 2008 is on upstairs, and I can hear my parents scream every time they see my sister on the television. Makes me smile.
8. Discovered my new favorite wine: Eroica Riesling
9. White chocolate pretzels.
10. Picking out the Christmas pajamas for me and my sister.
Here's to new beginnings, Wisconsin Public Television, and flannel. Merry Christmas, friends.
December 9, 2011
emotional french fries
Well, I mostly survived The Week from Hell. Mostly.
It is now the end of the last week of classes and then next week is exam week. Why is it that the ends of semesters are always so annoyingly busy? I have four finals to study for, three performances in the next 5 days, two violins to break in, and a partridge in a pear tree. Or something like that.
So, 10 things that I've learned in the past week. Ready, go:
1. I love butter toffee almonds. I could eat them all day.
2. My attempt at grace really failed last weekend. Grace is more difficult than I thought.
3. McDonalds fries have the power to cure any mental/emotional ailment. At least for the amount of time it takes to eat them.
4. I love folk music. Or singer/songwriter folk music. That is the stuff that really gets to me. Oh, it's so delicious.
5. Pressing on is really the only thing you can do. Just gotta keep moving.
6. Beethoven's favorite food was macaroni and cheese. We have that in common.
7. I know what I want. And I know that the way to get there isn't easy, but oh well. What tough stuff in my life has ever been easy?
8. I'm figuring out how to push through the pain. Like, when I workout. It's really fun to feel the burn in my abs and say, "Yeah? What now? Take that, abs!" They get mad at me afterwards, but they know it's good for them.
9. Communication is key. I keep having to relearn this one.
10. I am a better human being when I make to-do lists. Whether I actually do those things or not is another story, but making lists makes me feel better about myself.
Needless to say, it's been another emotional week of inconsistencies, problems, and the little dramas that seem to dominate college life. One more week until I am on the downstairs couch with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate, staring at our gorgeous Christmas tree. Bring it on, finals. Ain't nothing keeping me from getting back to Georgia.
Here's to sleeping in, new music, and Beethoven.
It is now the end of the last week of classes and then next week is exam week. Why is it that the ends of semesters are always so annoyingly busy? I have four finals to study for, three performances in the next 5 days, two violins to break in, and a partridge in a pear tree. Or something like that.
So, 10 things that I've learned in the past week. Ready, go:
1. I love butter toffee almonds. I could eat them all day.
2. My attempt at grace really failed last weekend. Grace is more difficult than I thought.
3. McDonalds fries have the power to cure any mental/emotional ailment. At least for the amount of time it takes to eat them.
4. I love folk music. Or singer/songwriter folk music. That is the stuff that really gets to me. Oh, it's so delicious.
5. Pressing on is really the only thing you can do. Just gotta keep moving.
6. Beethoven's favorite food was macaroni and cheese. We have that in common.
7. I know what I want. And I know that the way to get there isn't easy, but oh well. What tough stuff in my life has ever been easy?
8. I'm figuring out how to push through the pain. Like, when I workout. It's really fun to feel the burn in my abs and say, "Yeah? What now? Take that, abs!" They get mad at me afterwards, but they know it's good for them.
9. Communication is key. I keep having to relearn this one.
10. I am a better human being when I make to-do lists. Whether I actually do those things or not is another story, but making lists makes me feel better about myself.
Needless to say, it's been another emotional week of inconsistencies, problems, and the little dramas that seem to dominate college life. One more week until I am on the downstairs couch with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate, staring at our gorgeous Christmas tree. Bring it on, finals. Ain't nothing keeping me from getting back to Georgia.
Here's to sleeping in, new music, and Beethoven.
November 28, 2011
grace
I write to you at the cusp of a new week, the week affectionately known to me as The Week From Hell. So far, I have to write a 6 page paper (not too bad), memorize the first movement of the Sibelius violin concerto (dear God help me), attend three more 3-hour rehearsals and 5 performances (back pain up the wazoo), and find a way to gracefully glide my way through all of these things without losing it.
But you know what? It's going to be fine.
Sounds like a good time for A Life Lesson With Karla, brought to you by Glade Plugins:
Life Lesson #5: There will be good days, and there will be bad days. Just gotta roll with it.
It's hard to remember this one sometimes, especially when it's a bad day. But funny enough, today was a good day. Things felt normal. I felt good. I ate food, I practiced, I worked out, I went to a three hour rehearsal and didn't complain... It really was a good day. And I've had plenty of bad days in the past few months to know that there will be both kinds of days, even just from day to day. You never know what kind of day it's going to be when you wake up, but you do get the power to do something about it. I think that power is a powerful thing indeed, to be able to look at a situation and try your hardest to make the best of it. Or to have conversations with people that you've been needing to have... It's funny how communication skills can change how your day goes. Communication is key, people. Maybe that should be the next Life Lesson.
Anyway, the point is that it is easy to have a bad day and never expect to have another good day. Been there. It's also easy to have a good day, like today, and expect to not have a bad day for awhile. I've been working my way towards having consistent good days for a few months, and I've discovered that it's all about grace. Grace in the way I handle inconsistencies or confusion, and grace in the way I deal with other people. I'm hoping that I will be able to handle these next few weeks of school with a certain amount of grace - taking every inconsistency and problem with a grain of salt and a smile on my face.
Here's to hope, friendships, SPO Love, and Christmas At Luther. 'Tis the season!
P.S. I picked up my new violins last week... I will devote an entire post to them sometime. They are divas and would expect nothing less than an entire post all about them.
But you know what? It's going to be fine.
Sounds like a good time for A Life Lesson With Karla, brought to you by Glade Plugins:
Life Lesson #5: There will be good days, and there will be bad days. Just gotta roll with it.
It's hard to remember this one sometimes, especially when it's a bad day. But funny enough, today was a good day. Things felt normal. I felt good. I ate food, I practiced, I worked out, I went to a three hour rehearsal and didn't complain... It really was a good day. And I've had plenty of bad days in the past few months to know that there will be both kinds of days, even just from day to day. You never know what kind of day it's going to be when you wake up, but you do get the power to do something about it. I think that power is a powerful thing indeed, to be able to look at a situation and try your hardest to make the best of it. Or to have conversations with people that you've been needing to have... It's funny how communication skills can change how your day goes. Communication is key, people. Maybe that should be the next Life Lesson.
Anyway, the point is that it is easy to have a bad day and never expect to have another good day. Been there. It's also easy to have a good day, like today, and expect to not have a bad day for awhile. I've been working my way towards having consistent good days for a few months, and I've discovered that it's all about grace. Grace in the way I handle inconsistencies or confusion, and grace in the way I deal with other people. I'm hoping that I will be able to handle these next few weeks of school with a certain amount of grace - taking every inconsistency and problem with a grain of salt and a smile on my face.
Here's to hope, friendships, SPO Love, and Christmas At Luther. 'Tis the season!
P.S. I picked up my new violins last week... I will devote an entire post to them sometime. They are divas and would expect nothing less than an entire post all about them.
November 18, 2011
felix
Today I found out that I will get to take home a new violin next week. On Black Friday, I will drive up to Atlanta and see the instruments that Stephanie has been making for about 7 months now. We've been taking pictures throughout the building experience, and I have to say that this is one of the most incredible processes that I've witnessed in my life so far.
The excitement is overwhelming. Quite literally, actually. I was telling some friends about the instruments today and had to force myself to stay in one spot - it was all I could do to keep from screaming and basically exploding all over the Jenson hallway. Yesterday, I saw the pictures of the coats of varnish on the instrument and I almost cried. I am so beyond ecstatic for these new instruments... I have no words. No words.
On the other side of things, though, I am down to my last 7 days with my current instrument. It's so funny because I've known that I will be getting a new instrument soon for a few months now, and every day that I play the violin I have now there are so many moments where I can't wait for a bigger, brighter sound. But still, I can't imagine giving up Felix just quite yet. It is hard for me to imagine giving up the instrument that I've basically grown up with.
I feel like I sound silly right now, talking about a violin this way. But I can't help it. The strongest relationships that I have in my life are those where music is involved, and my violin is no exception. I think I've spent more time with that instrument than I have with any one person over the past decade. I have poured sweat and tears and probably some blood into that violin, and we have shared too many memories to count. Maybe I will share some of them.
I was either ten or eleven when I went to try full size violins for the first time at Stephanie's shop in Atlanta. I was short and chubby, wore Harry Potter glasses, and had super short hair. It was my awkward stage. But I remember out of all the violins I tried, that was the one that actually spoke to me. I just knew, you know?
I've traveled so much with that instrument - Vienna, Salzburg, Munich, Green Bay, Cleveland, Ithaca, New York City, Nashville, Madison, Minneapolis, Decorah, Atlanta, Birmingham, Denver, Snowmass, Savannah, Orlando, Washington D.C., Chicago, Kansas City, Lexington, Boston, Ann Arbor, St. Peter, St. Louis, Lincoln, somewhere in South Carolina... I'm sure there are more. But a lot of those times it was just me, my violin, and my backpack. I would always think as we got on the plane, "It's just you and me, Felix." He's a great traveler.
I couldn't always express myself through words to friends or family, but Felix knew how to. I remember several Christmas Eves where the only lights on in the house would be the Christmas tree lights, and I stood in the music room playing the Bach Partita in D minor. Or when I was pissed off about something, I would drag myself through endless amounts of scales to calm down... We were good at solitude and quiet.
We played the Mendelssohn violin concerto with the LSM Festival Orchestra in 2007. It was incredible. We played jazz with Tracy Silverman in Nashville, we've done fiddling with Mark O'Connor; we've played everything from Mozart to LMFAO to Maroon 5. Brahms, Beethoven, Lalo, Bach, Telemann, Schumann, Ravel, Shostakovich, Ysaÿe, Sibelius, Mahler, Dvorak, Mendelssohn... All of the great works that you can play as a young violinist, we've pretty much done together.
I got tendonitis one summer at Ithaca - I fell in love with a boy who played piano at a piano camp that only lasted for two weeks. I was there for four weeks. So when he left, I went to the practice room and stayed there. For a week and a half. Not my smartest move.
People have told me that I have this sound, that when I play it just sounds like Karla. I owe that to Felix. I think one of the greatest memories behind that sound is TenString Serenade and the recording we did. We just soared when we played that music with Alex. It felt like flying.
Felix got me through middle school, high school, and my first two and a half years of college. He's seen me at my worst, at my best, and every other time in between. He is the most patient creature I know. And there have been plenty of times when I could tell he was pissed off because I hadn't played in a few days, or times when he was happy because I've never sounded so good before... But if he has been nothing else, he has been a true constant in my life. The most constant thing next to my family. Always there, ready and waiting for the next practice session or rehearsal or performance. We were always in it together.
I don't think I would be the kind of violinist I am right now if I hadn't chosen Felix ten years ago. I don't know how I would be different, but I don't even want to know. That instrument taught me how to be everything I know how to be. Plus, he's been around for over 200 years, so he has truly seen it all. He has been quietly teaching me lessons about life and music in our time together. I am indebted to that instrument.
Here's to the old and the new. Long live Felix!
The excitement is overwhelming. Quite literally, actually. I was telling some friends about the instruments today and had to force myself to stay in one spot - it was all I could do to keep from screaming and basically exploding all over the Jenson hallway. Yesterday, I saw the pictures of the coats of varnish on the instrument and I almost cried. I am so beyond ecstatic for these new instruments... I have no words. No words.
On the other side of things, though, I am down to my last 7 days with my current instrument. It's so funny because I've known that I will be getting a new instrument soon for a few months now, and every day that I play the violin I have now there are so many moments where I can't wait for a bigger, brighter sound. But still, I can't imagine giving up Felix just quite yet. It is hard for me to imagine giving up the instrument that I've basically grown up with.
I feel like I sound silly right now, talking about a violin this way. But I can't help it. The strongest relationships that I have in my life are those where music is involved, and my violin is no exception. I think I've spent more time with that instrument than I have with any one person over the past decade. I have poured sweat and tears and probably some blood into that violin, and we have shared too many memories to count. Maybe I will share some of them.
I was either ten or eleven when I went to try full size violins for the first time at Stephanie's shop in Atlanta. I was short and chubby, wore Harry Potter glasses, and had super short hair. It was my awkward stage. But I remember out of all the violins I tried, that was the one that actually spoke to me. I just knew, you know?
I've traveled so much with that instrument - Vienna, Salzburg, Munich, Green Bay, Cleveland, Ithaca, New York City, Nashville, Madison, Minneapolis, Decorah, Atlanta, Birmingham, Denver, Snowmass, Savannah, Orlando, Washington D.C., Chicago, Kansas City, Lexington, Boston, Ann Arbor, St. Peter, St. Louis, Lincoln, somewhere in South Carolina... I'm sure there are more. But a lot of those times it was just me, my violin, and my backpack. I would always think as we got on the plane, "It's just you and me, Felix." He's a great traveler.
I couldn't always express myself through words to friends or family, but Felix knew how to. I remember several Christmas Eves where the only lights on in the house would be the Christmas tree lights, and I stood in the music room playing the Bach Partita in D minor. Or when I was pissed off about something, I would drag myself through endless amounts of scales to calm down... We were good at solitude and quiet.
We played the Mendelssohn violin concerto with the LSM Festival Orchestra in 2007. It was incredible. We played jazz with Tracy Silverman in Nashville, we've done fiddling with Mark O'Connor; we've played everything from Mozart to LMFAO to Maroon 5. Brahms, Beethoven, Lalo, Bach, Telemann, Schumann, Ravel, Shostakovich, Ysaÿe, Sibelius, Mahler, Dvorak, Mendelssohn... All of the great works that you can play as a young violinist, we've pretty much done together.
I got tendonitis one summer at Ithaca - I fell in love with a boy who played piano at a piano camp that only lasted for two weeks. I was there for four weeks. So when he left, I went to the practice room and stayed there. For a week and a half. Not my smartest move.
People have told me that I have this sound, that when I play it just sounds like Karla. I owe that to Felix. I think one of the greatest memories behind that sound is TenString Serenade and the recording we did. We just soared when we played that music with Alex. It felt like flying.
Felix got me through middle school, high school, and my first two and a half years of college. He's seen me at my worst, at my best, and every other time in between. He is the most patient creature I know. And there have been plenty of times when I could tell he was pissed off because I hadn't played in a few days, or times when he was happy because I've never sounded so good before... But if he has been nothing else, he has been a true constant in my life. The most constant thing next to my family. Always there, ready and waiting for the next practice session or rehearsal or performance. We were always in it together.
I don't think I would be the kind of violinist I am right now if I hadn't chosen Felix ten years ago. I don't know how I would be different, but I don't even want to know. That instrument taught me how to be everything I know how to be. Plus, he's been around for over 200 years, so he has truly seen it all. He has been quietly teaching me lessons about life and music in our time together. I am indebted to that instrument.
Here's to the old and the new. Long live Felix!
November 13, 2011
falalalala
I am doing something stupid right now.
Christmas at Luther 2010 is playing on my iTunes.
I'm trying to force myself to get ready for it because it's going to show up whether I'm ready or not.
What is it about C@L that I'm not ready to face yet, you ask?
Nostalgia. Most days I can handle it. But throw Christmas in the mix and it's just a recipe for disaster.
I have to face myself and the truth and everything else that I'm just not ready to face yet. And lucky me, for four nights in a row I will be bombarded with those things that I'm not ready to face. I will have no choice but to just try.
I feel like that's all I've been doing for the past two months, just trying. Is there a point at which I don't have to try anymore? Is that the point where I stop caring?
I love nostalgia and I hate nostalgia at the same time. Nostalgia houses some of my best memories from the life I have lived so far, as well as the memories that keep me up past my bed time writing blog posts. It is at the same time a lovely scrapbook and a prison.
Hmmm.
Here's to apples, McDonald's, and the Dvorak cello concerto. One more week till I'm home. Let's do this.
Christmas at Luther 2010 is playing on my iTunes.
I'm trying to force myself to get ready for it because it's going to show up whether I'm ready or not.
What is it about C@L that I'm not ready to face yet, you ask?
Nostalgia. Most days I can handle it. But throw Christmas in the mix and it's just a recipe for disaster.
I have to face myself and the truth and everything else that I'm just not ready to face yet. And lucky me, for four nights in a row I will be bombarded with those things that I'm not ready to face. I will have no choice but to just try.
I feel like that's all I've been doing for the past two months, just trying. Is there a point at which I don't have to try anymore? Is that the point where I stop caring?
I love nostalgia and I hate nostalgia at the same time. Nostalgia houses some of my best memories from the life I have lived so far, as well as the memories that keep me up past my bed time writing blog posts. It is at the same time a lovely scrapbook and a prison.
Hmmm.
Here's to apples, McDonald's, and the Dvorak cello concerto. One more week till I'm home. Let's do this.
November 9, 2011
georgia on my mind
I just put on some Vince Guaraldi Christmas music and it made me want to write a post. So here goes.
First snow of the season here in Decorah! It has mostly melted by now, but I thoroughly enjoyed looking out my window this morning to see white. I was so happy that I promptly fell back asleep for fifteen minutes.
See, the only thing about posting on a Wednesday afternoon is that I don't have much to say. I don't have much to say normally, but I seem to be more inspired in the evenings. However, Vince Guaraldi thinks otherwise today.
I think I posted a list of things I love about October last year. This year I'll list it up for November, how about that?
10 Things I Love About November:
1. Pumpkin-flavored everything in the caf and sweet potatoes. Every day.
2. I get to go home. I miss Georgia in the fall.
3. Thanksgiving. Obviously.
4. With Thanksgiving comes awesome traditions, like the Windham Hill Thanksgiving album that I put on repeat every year, and my dad's favorite mugs on his mug tree in the kitchen. Oh, and jigsaw puzzles and golf cart rides with the cousins.
5. Mom's cooking. Om to the nom. Pumpkin pie, homemade stuffing, mashed potatoes, her famous backed snack mix, fajitas, pumpkin soup, sandwich rings...
6. My mom is the best decorator, too. Her Thanksgiving-themed house is just fabulous in the fall. And the table decor when we sit down to eat... Picture perfect. She gives Martha Stewart a run for her money.
7. Family of Four (plus Evan) time. We sing carols around the piano, go to church and eat chili, engage in late night conversations on the couch with wine and candles, talk about everything from grad school to Mom's latest photography ventures. I have the most amazing family.
8. Snuggling with my dad in mornings when he comes to wake me up. He always brings me a cup of coffee, sets it on my bedside table so I can smell it, and then he sings me a song. Best way to wake up.
9. Concert Palooza at school. Symphony, Chamber, and Jazz concerts, not to mention two student chamber recitals that will blow all other chamber recitals out of the water. I'm biased, of course.
10. The feeling that Christmas is just right around the corner. It's in the air, people. Love it.
Here's to maple pecan spice cake, pretty scarves, and fresh snow. Happy Almost Thanksgiving!
First snow of the season here in Decorah! It has mostly melted by now, but I thoroughly enjoyed looking out my window this morning to see white. I was so happy that I promptly fell back asleep for fifteen minutes.
See, the only thing about posting on a Wednesday afternoon is that I don't have much to say. I don't have much to say normally, but I seem to be more inspired in the evenings. However, Vince Guaraldi thinks otherwise today.
I think I posted a list of things I love about October last year. This year I'll list it up for November, how about that?
10 Things I Love About November:
1. Pumpkin-flavored everything in the caf and sweet potatoes. Every day.
2. I get to go home. I miss Georgia in the fall.
3. Thanksgiving. Obviously.
4. With Thanksgiving comes awesome traditions, like the Windham Hill Thanksgiving album that I put on repeat every year, and my dad's favorite mugs on his mug tree in the kitchen. Oh, and jigsaw puzzles and golf cart rides with the cousins.
5. Mom's cooking. Om to the nom. Pumpkin pie, homemade stuffing, mashed potatoes, her famous backed snack mix, fajitas, pumpkin soup, sandwich rings...
6. My mom is the best decorator, too. Her Thanksgiving-themed house is just fabulous in the fall. And the table decor when we sit down to eat... Picture perfect. She gives Martha Stewart a run for her money.
7. Family of Four (plus Evan) time. We sing carols around the piano, go to church and eat chili, engage in late night conversations on the couch with wine and candles, talk about everything from grad school to Mom's latest photography ventures. I have the most amazing family.
8. Snuggling with my dad in mornings when he comes to wake me up. He always brings me a cup of coffee, sets it on my bedside table so I can smell it, and then he sings me a song. Best way to wake up.
9. Concert Palooza at school. Symphony, Chamber, and Jazz concerts, not to mention two student chamber recitals that will blow all other chamber recitals out of the water. I'm biased, of course.
10. The feeling that Christmas is just right around the corner. It's in the air, people. Love it.
Here's to maple pecan spice cake, pretty scarves, and fresh snow. Happy Almost Thanksgiving!
October 15, 2011
birthday history
I don't think I've ever posted on my birthday before, so I thought I would change that. It's October 15th, 2011, and it's my birthday.
I think that today I can come up with a list of more than 6 things that are happy in my life, you ready?
1. Mendelssohn Octet - It is a beautiful piece of work and even better that I get to play it with some of my closest friends.
2. The Moon - I've gone moon/cloud watching at night at least twice this month. Puts things in perspective.
3. Sisters - they always know what to say and next time I see her, we will be able to drink wine together and laugh about everything.
4. Inspiration - lately I've found inspiration in the Dvorak cello concert, just listening to Phuc play it seems to make everything alright. I love how music does that.
5. Woodchucks - happy little bottles of hard cider. What could be happier?!
6. Impromptu jam sessions with Aaron Rosell - my favorite thing ever.
7. Setting goals - it's easier to find my way out of a pile of crap with a little guidelines.
8. Cute scarves - pretty and feminine and fun. Just the right amount of awesome.
9. Strangz - we've played 4 gigs already this semester, and I swear I love every minute. Feels really good to see a brainchild come to life.
10. Relient K - soundtrack to the fall (and my life, really).
11. L.A. - I'm going there in two weeks. Clubbing with my best friend in the world? Yes please.
12. Mail - I've been getting lots of mail lately. Next to kitchen utensils, mail comes in a close second for my weakness.
13. Tony Guzman - we are basically the same person, and I feel so lucky to have a second dad on campus.
14. Books - losing myself in a book never felt so good these days.
Look at that, I doubled my original list! Proud.
So today is full of friends, beer, burgers, pumpkins, cider, and so much laughter that I'm going to have a 6-pack in the morning. Here's to the 21st birthdays that go down in history. Add mine to the list, ladies and gents!
I think that today I can come up with a list of more than 6 things that are happy in my life, you ready?
1. Mendelssohn Octet - It is a beautiful piece of work and even better that I get to play it with some of my closest friends.
2. The Moon - I've gone moon/cloud watching at night at least twice this month. Puts things in perspective.
3. Sisters - they always know what to say and next time I see her, we will be able to drink wine together and laugh about everything.
4. Inspiration - lately I've found inspiration in the Dvorak cello concert, just listening to Phuc play it seems to make everything alright. I love how music does that.
5. Woodchucks - happy little bottles of hard cider. What could be happier?!
6. Impromptu jam sessions with Aaron Rosell - my favorite thing ever.
7. Setting goals - it's easier to find my way out of a pile of crap with a little guidelines.
8. Cute scarves - pretty and feminine and fun. Just the right amount of awesome.
9. Strangz - we've played 4 gigs already this semester, and I swear I love every minute. Feels really good to see a brainchild come to life.
10. Relient K - soundtrack to the fall (and my life, really).
11. L.A. - I'm going there in two weeks. Clubbing with my best friend in the world? Yes please.
12. Mail - I've been getting lots of mail lately. Next to kitchen utensils, mail comes in a close second for my weakness.
13. Tony Guzman - we are basically the same person, and I feel so lucky to have a second dad on campus.
14. Books - losing myself in a book never felt so good these days.
Look at that, I doubled my original list! Proud.
So today is full of friends, beer, burgers, pumpkins, cider, and so much laughter that I'm going to have a 6-pack in the morning. Here's to the 21st birthdays that go down in history. Add mine to the list, ladies and gents!
October 7, 2011
fifteen thousand first steps
Alright, mid-afternoon post. Orchestra in 45 minutes. Haven't eaten anything since 10am. What's the deal?
Well, I just had a long conversation that seems to have been inevitable after the last week or so. Good talk. But, for some reason I am the most inept person when it comes to the ends of conversations because I want my last words to be remarkable and weighty. Today, I was not so remarkable with my last words. So just in case the recipient of those last words reads these posts, here's what I should've said instead:
I know that I am a complicated person and I make things really difficult sometimes. I am well aware of this fact. I appreciate your honesty and hope that someday soon I will not be as much of a heartbroken idiot as I am right now. Maybe then I will be able to say things to you without having to publicly post a recanting of them. I wish you well and hope that things start making sense for you.
There. Sort of better.
I probably shouldn't be posting right now - the lack of food in my belly is making me feel super funny. But now I am going to go play some Beethoven and take my 15,000th first step in moving on.
Well, I just had a long conversation that seems to have been inevitable after the last week or so. Good talk. But, for some reason I am the most inept person when it comes to the ends of conversations because I want my last words to be remarkable and weighty. Today, I was not so remarkable with my last words. So just in case the recipient of those last words reads these posts, here's what I should've said instead:
I know that I am a complicated person and I make things really difficult sometimes. I am well aware of this fact. I appreciate your honesty and hope that someday soon I will not be as much of a heartbroken idiot as I am right now. Maybe then I will be able to say things to you without having to publicly post a recanting of them. I wish you well and hope that things start making sense for you.
There. Sort of better.
I probably shouldn't be posting right now - the lack of food in my belly is making me feel super funny. But now I am going to go play some Beethoven and take my 15,000th first step in moving on.
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